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The Ramblings of a Redneck Diva
Tuesday, March 8, 2005
Dooder confusion
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: Complete utter nonsense
Remember a few weeks ago when my sister had the flu and I was watching Cute Baby? Well, one morning when Cute Mommy, who has the most adorable southern accent I've ever heard, was leaving she said, "Aoh and bah the wayyy...hay's got a liddle raysh own he-is dooder." Translation: The kid had a rash on his dooder. Okay, that's all well and good, except I had no earthly idea what a "dooder" was. Was it his chubby little buns? Was it his twig and/or berries? Agh, what in the world was a dooder?? This is something I should've actually clarified with her before I let her walk out the door. But, being Super Mom and all, I just nodded and said, "Gotcha. Rash. On dooder. K." I mean, hey, I've been doing daycare since I was 18. Rashes I can handle. Even on dooders.

So the first diaper change rolled around and I was eager to dispell the mystery of the dooder. I exposed the diaper-covered nether regions of Cute Baby to find that his entire erm...area down there was rashed! So much for figuring out what the hell a dooder was. I smeared diaper rash cream all over that kid's buns, twigs, berries, lions and tigers and bears. Ohhhhhmy.

Well, of course, when Sis was well again I had to share the absolute adorable-ness of Cute Mommy's notification of a dooder problem. By this time I had concluded on my own that a dooder was indeed a behind. I mean, it just made sense to me. Although, I never verbalized my findings to anyone - I just passed on the story.

Last night when I finally found Sis at the casino, lo and behold she was with Cute Mommy. Pleasantries were exchanged: "How's Cute Baby?" "Aoh, hay's fan." "Great! He sure is cute. Have you won anything yet?" "Na-oh. Nawt a thang yay-et. Hay-ev yaou?" "Not yet. Just got here." Etc, etc. Then Sis fesses up that she told Cute Mommy that I told her about the dooder. Great. Cute Mommy is all of 22 years old. I am 10 years older than her and for some reason I find myself wanting to maintain as many cool points as possible around her. Great. So Heather has spilled her guts regarding my amusement at the dooder.

Keep in mind that I have since started calling everyone a "dooder head". The kids call each other dooder head. They call their father a dooder head. In my mind since a dooder is a butt, a dooder head is a butthead.

Then Cute Mommy says, "Aoh, mah gawsh...Ah cayn't bay-leeve Ah aycshooly sayad dooder to yaou! But Ah jayst wusn't shoore ayf ayt was aokay to drawp the "Pay" word." Translation: FOR THEM THE DOODER IS THE "P" WORD. Dooder = penis.

Oh heavenly days -

My children have been calling their father and each other dick heads.

The Diva has spoken at 10:23 AM CST
Updated: Tuesday, March 8, 2005 10:25 AM CST

Tuesday, March 8, 2005 - 9:51 PM CST

Name: Tiffany-Your BFF

This may be your funniest story EVER. New word in the Quah shall be Dooder head!!! I'll be at the bank and say, "Thank you, have a nice day, Dooder Head!" Maybe for some dramatic effect I'll say it southern. Or Brooklyn accented!!! OH HAPPY DAY!!!!!!
Tiff

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