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The Ramblings of a Redneck Diva
Friday, March 11, 2005
When I was a kid, Spring Break was more exciting
Mood:  spacey
Topic: Kids & other noisy things
Another dual post. There is a little more to this post on my Blogspot site, but it's not much. I'm just really tired now, dadgummit.


Today was Freaky Hair Friday at school. Stu-co Spirit Week or something. Sam sported a mohawk. Abby had twisty nubbin things all over head. We went after school from Fairland to Miami. With mohawk boy and nubbin girl. Oh the looks we got.

Of course, the looks could've possibly been because I had five, count 'em five, kids hanging off of my cart like maggots on a carcass. All squirmy and wiggly and movin' around incessantly. My husband, being the darling he is, said I looked like a trailer park ho with that many kids. Thanksbabyloveyoutoo. Dooderhead.

I saw Stormie, another GS leader in our service unit, and she said I was brave. I replied that no, I was insane. (Hi Stormie!)

When it was finally time to check out, the kids helped me put the stuff on the conveyer belt and then I took the mobile ones and lined them up in front of the counter of the in-store bank like they were getting ready to be part of a police line-up. I put them boy-girl-boy-girl and put their backs against the wall and told them if they moved they would NOT get to go to the video store. I walked back to the register and threw them all a really threatening glare. The cashier said, "Wow, I'm impressed! We hardly ever see kids who do what their parents say up here." And my first thought was, "Thank God you didn't see them in the cereal aisle then." I just smiled and said thank you, though. Hey, let her believe that well-behaved children DO exist. At least for awhile. She was only 20-ish, she'll have to quit believing in such fairy tales soon.

I saw a precious Menonite woman and her two adorable boys at the store tonight. As I trudged through the store in my wind pants (Which are too long and I step on them constantly which drives me batshit, but what do you do when you're only 5'2"?) and frizzy hair and noisy children hanging off my cart and I exchanged polite smiles and hellos with her, I almost longed for a little white bonnet thing and black panty hose. But then I remembered that panty hose suck.

This morning as I had just stepped out of the shower I heard the kids doing their morning stuff. It was obviously KD's turn to pick out the morning music because rather than the Kidz Bop Kids singing horrible renditions of Kelly Clarkson and Hoobastank songs, we were listening to Mary Had a Little Lamb sung by Minnie Mouse. How refreshing. I was praying for the Kidz Bop Kids again. I had just flipped my hair up into a towel and was putting on my moisturizer when I heard Sam walking up and down the hall yelling, "Freak love! Get yer freak love here! FREAK LOVE! Fuh-freak Love!! Who wants a freak love?" I was furious that my son, who is only 6, knew about freak love and was even advertising it and WHERE the hell did he learn that shit anyway? I threw open the bathroom door and said, "WHAT did you say?" He meekly held up a glove and said, "Free glove, Mom?"

The Diva has spoken at 11:27 PM CST

Saturday, March 12, 2005 - 4:46 PM CST

Name: moos
Home Page:

Hey! Tell Sam that we can always use free gloves!

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