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The Ramblings of a Redneck Diva
Tuesday, August 3, 2004
Ever felt like a raisin?
Mood:  irritated
I took a Sudafed and two Benadryl this morning and I'm thinking now that that was a huge mistake. For one thing, about 30 minutes after I took them I got so sleepy I literally could NOT hold my eyes open. I took the Sudafed thinking it would counteract any drowsiness from the Benadryl. Well, no such luck - the demon antihistamine was too powerful. I, being the horrible mother/babysitter I am, planted my hiney in the big chair and sat in a coma-like state while the children watched an hour and a half of Nick Jr. Maybe I'm the only person who does this, but when I'm in the drowsing mode, I can actually have conversations with myself (and whatever other pink elephant happens along, lol.) I finally, after the last 30 minutes of listening to a too-happy animated puppy and Latino girl with a pet monkey, had to tell myself that either I had to get up or I was going to just slip on over into catatonic. When I willed my eyes to open they honestly had to be the driest eyeballs that ever existed. I hate that!!! Antihistamines are great, they certainly serve a purpose when the ol' allergies are giving you fits, but they also dry the crap outta ya. Ugh, I have already drank nearly a quart of sweet tea and still feel like a raisin. I normally take ZyrtecD and that doesn't dry me out near as bad, but it also hasn't quite been doing the trick lately. Christina-Marie, a precious woman who has been reading my blog, told me to take echinacea and lay off the wheat and dairy. Totally wishing I had taken her advice when she originally gave it. I'm sure I'd be over this by now, but noooooooo I had to procrastinate. I've driven by the health food store a dozen times and don't realize it until I'm already past and by then I don't wanna turn around, cross traffic, drag all 3 kids out...you know the drill. If I can just survive through today I'm stopping there tomorrow night on the way to karate. Guaranteed.

Poor Ab woke me up about 1:30 this morning saying she was going to throw up. Why is it that children feel they must announce to their parents when they are about to hurl? She is 7, has her own bathroom, she could've gone straight in there, done her thing, then she could've come told me. But instead I wake up out of a deep sleep, throw my arm over my face because I have this deep-seated fear of one of the kids actually barfing on me when they come in to announce their intentions. I told her to get to the bathroom, grabbed my glasses and ran right behind her to the bathroom. Bless her heart, she was white as a sheet. We sat in the silence of the glaringly bright bathroom lights for about 5 minutes, she squatted in front of the toilet, myself sitting on the side of the tub, feeling pretty sure that my butt cheeks were permanently frozen there like the proverbial tongue to the flagpole. I finally decided to pry my buns off the frigid porcelain and told her to stay while I fixed her a pallet in the couch. I am so proud of my couch, so when the kids are sick I all but drape it in biohazard plastic. First all of the back cushions come off, then goes down a thick blanket, then I drape a towel over the pillow and down into the floor. Trashcan (double-bagged of course) goes on towel and child may then barf to their heart's content. I got her settled on the couch, collapsed into my big chair and we both tried to sleep. Didn't happen, but we tried. She didn't sleep because she was selling Buicks (think about it -- Buh-yooooooooooooooooooooooick) and I didn't because my "cheeky panties" were so far wedged up my rear end I was afraid we were edging toward surgical removal. Whoever invented that particular style of underwear was obviously a man because I feel pretty confident that most women really do like more of their buns covered than what cheeky panties provide. More than a thong, yes, but still less than the traditional bun covers. Don't get me wrong they are great to wear under clothing, but when you're just wearing your ol' ratty Eskimo Joe's t-shirt and them to sleep in, things get precarious pretty quick. Boy did I digress... Okay, so when she finally got everything out of her system, bless her baby heart, she fell asleep and I quickly followed suit, even with a wedge of cotton up my hind end. 5:30 came entirely too early. She wasn't running a fever, so I didn't feel it necessary to call the mom of the little boy I babysit. I figured if she was still sick I'd just quarantine her off in her room and Lysol the heck out of everything she touched. I moved her to her bed, did the Lysol routine, made tea and waited for Chandler to arrive. By the time she got up around 7, she was fine. She's still pale, but has managed to keep down some Propel and a slice of bread. She's playing with everyone, bossing them around, so obviously things are back to normal.

Well, I hear whines and yells coming from the living room. My cue to exit Stage Mom's Not Happy.

The Diva has spoken at 11:47 AM CDT

Tuesday, August 3, 2004 - 5:36 PM CDT

Name: Sychotic1
Home Page: http://sychotic1.tripod.com/glurge/

A day in the life of a Mom. I can completely relate.

Now for the advice: go commando* and you will never go back

*commando: pantiless, best utilized when wearing long nighties and sweat pants around the house

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