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The Ramblings of a Redneck Diva
Sunday, August 15, 2004

Mood:  amorous
Now Playing: Trace Adkins - Rough and Ready
Well, the Mystery Tour Friday night wasn't quite everything I wanted it to be, but it was fun regardless. For one thing, they had entirely too much of it staged and cued this time. Kinda ruined it for those of us who wanted a good authentic scare. Tif, however, got her $10 worth and kind felt like she needed to pay them extra because she was scared beyond belief. She didn't sleep a wink that night, bless her heart. It started at 10 and we left the theatre at 1:15. It was much longer than any other tour we've taken before, but normally there aren't more than 10 in a tour. This time there were 30. It took a lot longer to get to different parts of the building waiting on all of us to get settled and such. There were some really spooky things that happened that I truly believe were real, but like I said, too many things were too cued. Such as, "Sometimes when it's quiet you can hear the faint sounds of an orchestra from long ago..." *cue the violins* And then from the stage...the sound of a violin. And not even a good one at that. I'd like to think that anyone performing at the theatre would've sounded better than a cat in a washing machine. But then again, I guess when you've been dead for 60 some years you might be a little rusty the first time you cross over and pick up the fiddle again.

Last night we went to Tulsa to the Talons game. Second round of the play-offs and naturally, they won. Goooooo Talons! Arena football just entertains me to no end. It's so much more action packed than regular football and definitely more violent. Not that violence entertains me...okay, so yes it does. I do love WWE, remember?

After the game we went to a big ol' country bar where my sister became really good friends, very quickly, with Mr. Tom Collins. Sadly, the relationship was over just about the time we hit the interstate, bless her heart, and had to pull over to let him out of the car to find his own Buick. The fact that she claimed repeatedly "I never get sick when I drink" was what jinxed her. She even made the typical drunk's oath: "I am NEVER drinking again!" We all laughed, having been there ourselves. She solemnly swears she will forever be the DD, partaking only of Diet Coke for the rest of her life. Shalom, she has spoken. Whatever.

I am always amused by people in bars. Take 1500 horny cowboys/cowgirls/rednecks, place in enormous building with two bars and one giant dance floor, mix in a smidge of bad country band, copious amounts of liquor and generous amounts of hormones. Blend well. The results:
^Girls squishing themselves into outfits that have no business whatsoever being on their squishable bodies.
^Men trying to unsquish aforementioned girls from their clothing, sometimes on the dance floor, sometimes leaning against the bar (the latter of which we witnessed last night *shudder*).
^Attached couples doing their dead level best to piss each other off and/or make each other jealous.
^People showing off tattoos and piercings that should have never been done in the first place.
^Lots of boobies. Most of them less than half-way covered and several of them threatening to tumble all the way out the first good sneeze that comes along.
^Guys competing for the coveted "Alpha Male" position in the Pool Table Jungle.
^Girls giving other girls looks that could be skated on, have been known to cut glass and might possibly even be used as the jaws of life in certain situations.
^Really bad dancers (My cousin and I would know nothing about that, btw)
^People putting their tongues in places that honestly a tongue should never go, especially in public.
^Conversations that border on disgusting and the filing of felony charges.
^Entirely too many middle-aged women who look like they've been rode hard and put up wet. Many, many, many times...over and over and over again.

I could SO go on further, but that was just a small sampling of what we experienced. Of course, I'm sure someone else today is blogging about the pathetic looking table of oh-so-obviously married people in the corner, giggling every time the blonde dumped her ice in everyone's lap, watching two of them attempt the Cha-Cha Slide and fail miserably, the two guys watch ESPN on the overhead TV until their eyes would start drooping, the fat chick trip over her flip flops repeatedly, the newly-turned 21 year old shake her thang like a thang was SO obviously meant to be shaken... but I would have no earthly idea who would blog about those poor folks anyway...

The Diva has spoken at 10:41 PM CDT

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