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The Ramblings of a Redneck Diva
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Typing fast
Mood:  rushed
Now Playing: a Huggies commercial
I'm typing fast for two reasons today. One, the baby that I am now babysitting is into EVERYTHING! Were my kids at this stage so long ago that I had already forgotten how quickly the little buggers can turn the TV off or turn the volume up to 47 in 1.3 seconds? And how they must touch EVERYTHING, including every clean piece of silverware in the dishwasher with their slobbery little hands? And how if it were my kid I'd swat his chubby little hand a few times and it'd be done, but noooooo I can't swat him 'cuz he ain't mine and dadgummit if it isn't frustrating to find an alternative, kinder, gentler method of disciplining an 18 month old??????????????? OH MY GOSH...I seriously digressed on that one, eh?

The second reason I'm typing fast is THE LIZARD IS STILL IN MY BEDROOM!!! I ran across the little bugger (everyone's a bugger today, including the house reptile, geez) yesterday when I was cleaning. I picked up one of husband's hats off the floor and there he went, quick as an icky brown flash, over to hide under the quilt rack. I screamed. I mean, what other reaction would I have? I called my mom's office for some advice, because moms have the best advice, even if they are more scared of lizards than you are. The Wise One wasn't in, but her boss was and she's a true country girl. I said, "Nikki! You're a country girl - how do you catch a lizard?" There was a pause (during which I'm sure she was biting her lip so as not to laugh) and then she said, "Uhhhh, with my hands?" Smartass. Everyone's a smartass. But she did look it up online for me (Since I was too afraid to come out here and look it up. I swore I could hear him growl from under the dresser.) and the best suggestion she found was sticky traps. But you have to put bugs on it for bait. Grrrrreat, my second favorite thing in the world -- right behind lizards -- bugs. (Mice are #3, btw.) *shudder* Of course, husband was no help last night. He said since I was so afraid of the lizard that I should be the one to put out the traps and bait them because he wasn't afraid of a little lizard so it's not his responsiblity. Jerk. Then every now and then he'd stomp his feet at me to make me jump. Or run a hand up the back of my leg to make me scream like the nancy-girl I am. Need I reiterate that he's a jerk?

My luck the human little bugger will get caught in the sticky traps for the reptilian little bugger.

Oh, this is newsworthy -
Took the bra up one entire notch this morning. Helped with the saggy cup issue tremendously. But more importantly I took the bra up one entire notch this morning!!!!!

The Diva has spoken at 10:18 AM CDT

Thursday, August 26, 2004 - 11:38 AM CDT

Name: Sychotic1
Home Page: http://sychotic1.tripod.com/glurge/

Congrats on the weight loss. I need to do that myself.

As for the lizard, use the Sychotic method for lizards and spiders:

Tell yourself that in all likelihood the little bugger has already escaped from the crack in the wall that got him there in the first place. Invisible critters are nonexistent critters.

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