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The Ramblings of a Redneck Diva
Thursday, October 14, 2004
Mood:  a-ok
Well, poo I just lost a whole entire page of rambling. Hate it when Tripod hiccups like that.

Okay, first of all take a look at what I found in my bedroom floor this morning:

Now I'm not sure yet as to whether one of the kids was playing with it last night and it just got left there or whether a certain husband that I live with planted the reptilian decoy to scare his charming, albeit a little edgy, wife. I will find out, though. Trust me on this one. For those of you who are just joining in on my adventures, there is a lizard living in my bedroom somewhere. No, he's not a pet, he just decided to take up residence here. I do not like the lizard. I actually can say I loathe the lizard. He's harmless, but's a freaking LIZARD people! I have set out numerous sticky traps, but he's obviously a smart lizard and won't go near 'em. So anyway, I discovered the fake lizard belly-up this morning when I....btw, have I mentioned before that I am a clutz? Keep this fact in mind while you read... Okay, so I'm walking from my bedroom to the utility room and on the way I had to walk by a box that was covered in wire hangers (I've been cleaning out closets). As I walked by, the hem of my nightshirt caught on one of these hangers, thereby causing the kerfuffle. Imagine, if you will, me walking along, dragging a growing chain of wire hangers with my nightshirt. Have you ever put scotch tape on a cat's paws and watched them have a seizure as they try to flick it off? Well, that's kind of what I'm sure I looked like this morning, shaking my leg and trying to release the offending damn hangers. FInally I got it to let go and as I bent down to gather up the mess my eyes locked on the stupid plastic lizard. Oh the screaming. Almost as loud as when I first discovered the real lizard - you know, the time he actually ended up under one of my bare feet and we were formally introduced. Yeah, that time. Of course, upon further investigation I realized he wasn't real, but still...agh, I hate lizards.

And you know when I grabbed the camera to take a picture I thought, "Ya know...what if he really is real and only sleeping or possibly playing lizard-possum and the flash of the camera wakes him up?" Well, I'll just answer my own question...

You would have ended up reading a story about a lizard that drowned in pee.

That, friends and neighbors, is the truth.

The Diva has spoken at 9:23 AM CDT

Thursday, October 14, 2004 - 9:45 AM CDT

Name: Monkey
Home Page:

"You would have ended up reading a story about a lizard that drowned in pee. "

Friday, October 15, 2004 - 4:10 PM CDT

Name: Karen
Home Page:

Now, a lizard wouldn't even startle me. And we hardly have any of them here - so I guess that it should. But if it was a waterbug - you know those giant roach things. Talk about coming unglued... My ex (wonder why?!) knew just how I felt about them. One morning I opened the medicine cabinet to two of them, on the shelf - antennaes feeling out to my eyelashes. Talk about screaming through the apartment. Seems the ex had put them there - quite dead - set them up for me to discover in my morning stupor. What a guy!

Friday, October 15, 2004 - 5:16 PM CDT

Name: Sychotic1
Home Page:

That was hilarious, definitely made my day. Do you think it was the hubby who pulled this little stunt? I hate to admit it, but it is the sort of thing I would pull on an edgy lizard hating housemate.

Friday, October 15, 2004 - 10:35 PM CDT

Name: Diva

We have all kinds of critters out here and seeing them in their natural habitat - meaning OUTSIDE my house - is fine with me. But it's when they start invading my territory that I freak out. As far as being actually scared of the lizard, I'm not. I just hate it when I walk out here to pick up laundry (or a tangle of hangers) and there he goes scurrying off. It's the startle factor I guess. Rassin' frassin' startling amphibian...

Btw, I've bookmarked your blog and have every intention of adding the link to mine this weekend. I loved reading your harvest stories...brings back some memories. My grandpa farmed his whole life and sold the farm (guess thatt's better than "bought the farm", lol) my senior year. I would like to think that if he'd had the farm as I entered adulthood I'd have gotten a lot more involved in the activities. But when you're a teenager and a budding diva minus the redneck...well, you have more "important" things to do, like drag Main and talk on the phone. Man, those were the days...

Friday, October 15, 2004 - 10:38 PM CDT

Name: Diva

Well, I cornered darling hubby last night and related to him the details of my latest lizard adventure. He started out just grinning like a possum eating shit, then it progressed to all-out laughing. I thought that was a sure-fire admission of guilt, but he swears he didn't do it. He did comment that he wished he had, though. I guess I'll just have to believe him, although deep down I wonder...

Friday, October 15, 2004 - 10:40 PM CDT

Name: Diva

Well, dearest monkey...I'm glad you enjoyed! If I made you actually BWAHhaha about something then it truly makes me just warm fuzzy all over the place. I've BWAHhaha'd at your blog so many times I guess it's about time I returned the favor, eh?

Tuesday, October 19, 2004 - 7:22 PM CDT

Name: Angela
Home Page:

Diva...I LOVE that you used kerfuffle in your post about the crazy lizard! :)

Tuesday, October 19, 2004 - 9:33 PM CDT

Name: Diva

Agh, if you had been here you'd have seen a real live kerfuffle in action! I'm tellin' you, it was mass chaos with much screaming and jumping about. Kerfuffle indeed.

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