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The Ramblings of a Redneck Diva
Monday, December 6, 2004
Turd story
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: Complete utter nonsense
I told Friend Monkey to come on over here and read a funny turd story since he posted about a "lone turd" in a rest area's bathroom floor. It must be lonely being a turd on the floor...

Okay, so this guy works for a casino around here. He was at work one night when someone came along and told him that it looked like there was a turd in the floor. Well, imagine. Really. So off they go, trooping to find the turd. Sure enough, right in the middle of the casino floor is a pile of human excrement! So he decided they should pull the security tapes to find who did this. A little old lady on a freaking Hoveround (sings Hoveround! like a Swiss Miss yodeller) was bobbin' along when suddenly she stops her motorized gizmo, shifts her arse off of the seat, lifts her skirt and dumps a load on the casino floor. Then, like nothing happened, flipped down her skirt, scooted back onto the seat and motored off again.

Is that not the most HILARIOUS thing you've ever heard? Okay, well not for me either, but it was still pretty durn funny. We were laughing so hard I had a coughing fit. I nearly slid off the couch and none of us could speak we were all laughing so hard! Can you fathom ever doing that yourself? Okay, Monkey, really that was just a rhetorical question.

I think about it occasionally and get the giggles again, like a freaking 6 year old who laughs hysterically at the mere mention of "poop". I honestly can't imagine. How did she do this with no one witnessing it? Surely the place wasn't empty! And you know she wasn't wearing underwear if she was able to do it like that... *shudder* Agh and the biggest question WHY?????? It's not like it was a case of the diarrhea and she couldn't make it in time. This was actually piled poo.

I just can't fathom it...

What a great place to live. I can see the new signs at the turnpike gate: Miami - Poopy Casino Capitol of Oklahoma

The Diva has spoken at 12:33 AM CST
Updated: Monday, December 6, 2004 3:34 PM CST

Monday, December 6, 2004 - 10:06 AM CST

Name: Monkey
Home Page:

BWAHAHA! That IS hilarious!!!! What the...!?
How does a woman like her get $$$ to gamble in the first place I gotta wonder?
I'd imagine it was just crazy when y'all watched the tape and saw who did this - it'd be funny, but sad at the same time - as well as I think it'd ultimately get me angry that she could be!?
What a hilarious story - and a true-life story too - one you're probably never gonna forget! (Nor me! :-)
Thanks for the morning laugh! :-)

Wednesday, December 8, 2004 - 1:24 PM CST

Name: Sychotic1

Tried to post a comment the other day, but the blogosphere at the damned thing.

I am a huge fan of the monkey (who owes you a year worth of utility bill payments).

The whole turd thing really made me laugh, now I have to catch up with the rest of the blog.

Wednesday, December 8, 2004 - 10:22 PM CST

Name: redneck-diva

I hate it when my comments are eaten by some vicious, ferocious cyber-boogeyman. I really do.

And yes, Monkey owes me some serious bill-paying, yessirreeeeeee Bob. He has no idea just HOW high my electric bill gets in the summer... *evil laugh*

That turd story is going to go down in history around here.

Wednesday, December 8, 2004 - 10:25 PM CST

Name: redneck-diva

My mom said her first reaction when hearing the story was to blow the frame of her crapping up to HUGE poster-size and stick it right at the entrance to the place. Imagine her face when she saw her own self caught hovering off the seat of her Hoveround!

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