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The Ramblings of a Redneck Diva
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
"Yes, it's THAT kind of party!"
Mood:  party time!
Topic: It's a good thing
Okay, so finally Super Mom has returned to the Mom-cave for some much-needed bloggin' time. Wow, but I'm a busy girl! After next Monday I have nothing on the calendar and I sincerely hope it stays that way till Christmas Eve. Oh please let it stay that way...

Now, the rundown of the events of the Hoover Bash, the best I can remember them, and not necessarily in chronological order or any logical order at all, for that matter.

Since darlingest sister had helped with the house on Friday there wasn't a whole lot to do on Saturday, thankfully. Paul mopped (Yes, friend Monkey- he mopped!) and even helped me cut the cheese (Yes, BabsI said "cut the cheese" AGAIN *giggle*)for the meat and cheese tray and then managed to keep himself busy playing PS2 all freaking afternoon. But I'm not bitter. At least he wasn't out hunting or cutting wood or somewhere off where I couldn't holler if I needed him, which he has been known to do. The kids took a nap in the afternoon while I frantically typed up the mad-lib for the party, which I thought I had saved from previous years, but obviously had not. That out of the way, I cleaned the bathroom and then showered. Then it was time to shower the kids, get them pj'd and ready to go to Grammy with the Circle Head's house for the night. Paul hauled them all to town and I had roughly 45 minutes of utter silence. It was a good 45 minutes. I even sat down and checked my email, lol.

It started at 6. Six, you say? But Diva, we thought the party started at 7. Nope, not when the life of the party, Miss Little C herself comes traipsin' through the door at promptly 6:00. Hey, it didn't bother me in the least - I honestly thought she was just being a good cousin and coming early to help. Had she not embarrassingly said, "It starts at 7 doesn't it?" after she'd been here a bit, I'd have thought that all evening. But man, was she a great help! I was rushing around playing Super Host and trying to get the meatballs going and she finished cutting up the papers we needed for the Newlywed Game. It really was a great help. Her paper-cutting skills are really developing there in Kindergarten, lol.

All but 3 couples that were invited showed up. Hilarious and slightly insane Cousin Keith and his adorable wife, Alyssa, didn't get to come because it was his company Christmas party, but Chad and Courtney more than made up for the lack of cousins. We started out eating and OH the food! BBQ meatballs, 7-layer dip, cheeseballs, some fabulous dip that Tiff brought, cheeseburger soup, pinwheels, and then the desserts! It was a party-food paradise. After eating we decided there was far too little alcohol on the premises - even though Sis and Bub brought in roughly $91.12 worth of liquor (I just went into my dining room and added it up, lol) - so Tiff and Courtney went on a beer run. We visited and patiently awaited their return. And drank the liquor that was on the premises.

When they arrived with much Schmirnoff for me, and some beer and more somethings alcoholic, we started the ornament exchange. We played Dirty Santa with them and at first no one was going to steal. Man, what a nice, polite group of friends I have! Finally, it was my turn and by golly I stole! Then I got stolen from. THEN the light of heaven came down and shone upon the gingerbread man and God said "Take the gingerbread man and make him yours". Who am I to argue with God-light from heaven? I stole the gingerbread man. By me stealing him it retired him from the game and I immediately took him to my kitchen tree, his new home. Except


Husband knows where the gingerbread man is. So does my brother in law. God's gonna deal with you two as well.

Anyway, back to the party... After the stealing of ornaments, we played the Newlywed Game. 10 questions for each gender is too many, just for the record. I thought that game was never going to end. Bob Eubanks would've shot himself, I'm sure of it. There was much laughing, much blushing, and much threatening of divorce.

Then came time for the traditional HOOVER CHRISTMAS BASH MAD-LIB. Some knew what the story was going to be, but most didn't. All they did was go around the room giving me random words and phrases, then I plugged them in to Twas the Night Before Christmas. Oh my gosh, who knew Jessica Simpson had 8 hairy zebras, two of which were named Leroy and Fluffy Peters. I have every intention of posting the entire story as I read it that night. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

The more liquor we partook of, the more requests there were for karaoke. Courtney is the karaoke queen ya know. And she "will survive". I have the pictures to prove it and they will be posted tomorrow.

Jason called me to the center of the room and proceded to do his "Carlos" impersonation. Something about a magic trick, he was going to make his weiner disappear, then reappear, then disappear again, if I'd just bend over that chair... I did not bend over that chair.

We played a few rounds of "Party Quirks" from Whose Line is it Anyway? Goodness, but if you ever want to laugh till you stop and do it till tears come, ask my cousin Chad (who stole my gingerbread man, btw) to impersonate "Spiderman who keeps losing and regaining his Spidey powers". You can also ask him to pretend to be "Santa on crack". Chandler's mom, Jill, crawled into my living room as a paranoid reindeer, my brother in law was a drunk Easter Bunny hitting on all the women, Courtney cowered behind a folding chair thinking that I, her most gracious and kind host, was going to kill her, but I have to agree with Tiff, the clincher of the night was when John impersonated John Wayne trying on a Speedo. Of course, I couldn't concentrate too much on John because at that point Chad's magically appearing and disappearing spider webs had drawn him to my left leg where he was humping it like there was no tomorrow. It was kinda distracting, if you wanna know the truth. But hilarious, all of it.

Things wound down around 1:30 and by 2:00 I had discovered the disappearance of the gingerbread man. Annoying bugger, that Chad.

Tomorrow I will finish the photo album of the party pics (Christy, have you sent those pics yet? I still haven't gotten them!) and will post the link. And that mad-lib. Definitely the mad-lib.

The Diva has spoken at 11:12 PM CST

Wednesday, December 15, 2004 - 8:48 AM CST

Name: Tiff-your BFF
Home Page:

I think my kids in class think I'm a weird
psycho. I'm sitting here at the computer in
my office and I am laughing like none other.
Just remembering this stuff makes me grin from
ear to ear. Ahhh memories! *tear**tear*
mmmmmuuuuuuaaaaahhhhh! (kiss noise!)

Wednesday, December 15, 2004 - 4:16 PM CST

Name: moos
Home Page:

Holy Cow!

Sounds like y'all had way too much fun! I can't wait to see the pictures.

I was surprised and pleased with the blue background, the red hurts my eyes.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004 - 6:40 PM CST

Name: Little C

I hate to disappoint ya, but Chaddy was not the culprit behind the Gingerbread Man theft. Here's a hint that, hopefully, will make you think....mushrooms. I know it's hard, but think about your guests. It's more fun for you to try to figure it out.
If you can't, I'll tell you.


Wednesday, December 15, 2004 - 7:23 PM CST

Name: redneck-diva

It was a memory-makin' occasion, wasn't it friend?

Gosh, we're a twisted bunch of people.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004 - 7:25 PM CST

Name: redneck-diva

We did have a good time. My gosh, we're all insane when we're together. It's almost dangerous, lol.

And I'm glad you like the new background! Next time I change it to something obnoxious, PLEASE let me know! I don't want anyone to get a headache or eye strain from reading my blog! Then my malpractice insurance just goes through the roof! *grin*

Thanks for reading!

Wednesday, December 15, 2004 - 7:28 PM CST

Name: redneck-diva

Mushrooms???????? Any other commenters care to take a stab at that one? Where would there be mushrooms in my house????

And if Chaddy isn't the culprit... well, now I'm wondering if my husband is a big fat liar... hmmmmmm

Could it be Colonel Mustard in the parlor with a candle stick?

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