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The Ramblings of a Redneck Diva
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Wanna know what really bites?
Mood:  down
Topic: Things in life that suck
Being so incredibly tired and emotionally drained that you want to sleep - need to sleep - BUT because you have forty gazillion things on your mind you simply can't.

I put on my comfy pj's thinking that would relax me. It did. But not enough to sleep. I put in a scary movie (The Village) thinking that would well, scare me I guess. That's twisted thinking right there. I started to doze off at the beginning because frankly, it was a real bummer movie, if you want my opinion. But for some reason now, I'm wide awake. Last night I took two herbal sleeping pills because I was drained but antsy then too, and I slept really well. I guess I'm going to have to do that tonight as well. I need some rest. It's frustrating to be this tired and not be able to close your eyes and fall asleep.

We're keeping the kids home from school tomorrow. Paul's off on bereavement leave tomorrow and Friday. The kids are out of school on Friday anyway. We have had no routine or schedule, plus they're feeling a little neglected, I think. So we're going to keep them here with us. Ab's wanting to go to the funeral and I'm very torn as to whether to let her or not. She went to Paul's grandpa's funeral, but she was 4 and clueless. It was just a day to see cousins for her back then. Now she's 8 and has a concept of death and part of me thinks that if she wants to go, I should let her. Mom suggested taking her to the visitation tomorrow night and see how she handles that. Gosh, it's hard being a parent and trying to see ahead as to what might be okay for your child's delicate psyche or possibly detrimental. Especially when your own psyche is dented and frayed a little around the edges.

I'm just so tired.

The Diva has spoken at 12:49 AM CST

Thursday, January 20, 2005 - 6:27 AM CST

Name: Tracy Stone Johnston

I love you and your family so very much. You and Heather both are very special to me in so many ways and of course it goes without saying that your Mother is indeed an incredible person in my book! I have to substitute today at school but I will continually pray for you and your entire family as I go through the minutes of my time at Wayside. Please try and get some rest. I know that may be difficult but possibly with Paul at home today you could sleep if you feel that urge to lay down and shut your eyes for a while. Possibly, you could wrap up a child or even more than one child in your arms and drift off for a nap later on today. I love you so very much and again, I'm so sorry about your loss.

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