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The Ramblings of a Redneck Diva
Monday, September 13, 2004
Finally! The weekend in review...
Mood:  special
Kind of like Derek over at Son of Cheese I have a ton of stuff to relate about my weekend. was a veritable whirlwind of excitement and activity, mixed in with 14 hours of fun with my octogenarian Papa and great-Uncle Homer. A good time was had by all and my ribs never got such a workout. If laughter is the universal cure they talk about, I oughta be good and healthy from all the laughing we did.

Friday night was my high school's homecoming, which we had planned all week on attending. But mysteriously around 1 in the afternoon on Friday I broke out from my hips to my scalp in hives. Why? Wish I knew. Holy crap I'd rather hurt than itch! So I popped two Benadryl and hurried off to pick up the munchkins at school to rush them to the optometrist (or "the guy who looks at Sissy's eyeballs" according to Sam. Her visit with the eye doctor was just as I had suspected it would be: her eyes had gotten considerably worse in a mere 6 months time. He said both eyes were a full 3 clicks worse and that he wanted to see her in 6 months because more than likely they would change that much again. She got my eyes, dammit. So then we met up with Sis at McD's for an early dinner, all the while I'm still itching and scratching like a dadgum mangy dog and about to lose my mind. After a tasty McMeal we went to karate and the boys both tested up another level. They're now both sporting new red stripes on their belts and miraculously, Sensei didn't have to give anyone pushups for once. By this time I decided there was no freakin' way I was going to sit through a football game digging at my skin like a crank addict. Which was probably good because we ran over to Papa's after karate to find out the itinerary for Saturday. Well, when you drive 45 everywhere you go, you tend to over-estimate travel times and bless his 86 year old heart, he wanted to leave Fairland at 5 am. Good heavens! So it was a good thing I didn't go to the game because I had to go to bed at 9 in order to get some decent sleep, then get up at 3:30.

Well, Papa picked up Sis and I at her house, then we drove around the corner and picked up Uncle Homer. Papa drives a big ol' Lincoln and I don't think that thing had ever been driven above 55 mph before Saturday, lol. Well, here we go, in the dark, heading onto the turnpike at 5:15am and the windows are fogging up.
Papa: Homer, I think the windows are fogging up. See if you can fix that.
Homer: Leo, I can't see what that thing this the button I'm supposed to push?
Papa: Girls, roll your windows down back there for a minute.
*At this point Heather and I are holding back hysterical giggles at the conversation between them, plus the fact we are driving roughly 25 mph on the interstate*
Homer: Hey! (more button pushing) I feel warm air! And the windows are de-fogging!
Papa: Yeah, but don't leave that air on too long. Pulls on the motor.

It took us an hour and a half to get to Tulsa - a drive that takes me not even an hour normally. Fortunately he let Sis drive before we got into freeway traffic and lemme tell ya, she flat put that ol' Lincoln to the test! We made it on into Edmond around 8:30. And that was after stopping for breakfast! Go Sis!

Fortunately I brought along a notebook to write down the more memorable moments of the day. Heather asked me what in the world I was doing with my infamous Patrick Starr from SpongeBob notebook (as all world-famous bloggers carry, I hear) and I told her that I was pretty durn sure there would plenty of blog-worthy moments throughout the course of the day. She rolled her eyes, but as the day wore on she was going, "Did you get that one for the blog?"

Here are just a few of the keynote topics we discussed during the day:
*Hybrid cars fascinate Papa. "They're the car of the future, you know" according to him. This concept absolutely amazes him, which struck me as funny at first, but then I realized that he used to ride in a wagon to town, was the first farmer in Ottawa County to own a round hay baler and they used to load up calves in the Model T and drive them to the Capitol for a stock sale, so yeah, I guess a hybrid car would seem pretty far out to him.
*Semi trucks worry him. Oh my goodness if we heard him emphatically say the statement "Look! Look at all those trucks on the road! Agh, but there are too many of them!" once during the day we heard it a hundred times. It got to the point where we could just about tell you when one was coming, then Sis and I would bite our lips to keep from laughing.

Keep in mind I'm not making fun of Papa, I'm just humorously journaling my take on it all. I admire and respect that man more than just about any other person in my family, but sometimes you just have to laugh at the things that amuse someone his age! They've seen so much, been through so much...

*Heather was trying to evoke conversation from the backseat riders at one point so she asked Papa how he and Memaw met. He said she was a nurse's aid in the hospital in Stella, MO, and he was in there as a patient with typhoid "or something". LOL Or something? I'd think if I had had typhoid I'd sure as heck remember it.
*My sister is fascinated with all things "farm" right now. She has visions of being this farm girl or something. (Me, I'm content with country living, but I'll leave the farming to someone else. My ducks are the extent of my livestock.) So Sis strikes up a conversation with Papa about artificial insemination. Well, call me immature, but this embarrassed the heck out of me! Talking about bull sperm with my grandfather?!! It was way more than I was really comfortable with. I took advantage of that time to call home.
*Sis almost walked into the men's restroom at the McDonald's on the interstate. A very kind, if not a little crass, trucker kept her from actually entering the wrong one. Well, I missed this unfortunate event, so later when some trucker starts telling us about using the restroom in a bar I was a little taken aback. He actually used the words "urinal" and "piss" and I made a split-second decision that if he used ANY form, slang or otherwise, of the word penis I was SO outta there. Fortunately, he didn't and when we finally got free of him I said, "What prompted THAT?" Heather was about 12 shades of red as she spoke out the side of her mouth, "I-will-tell-you-about-it-in-the-car."
*We had to stop at a KFC to pick up some chicken for the reunion, since it's potluck and all. We pull up to KFC at 9:50, thinking the sign says it opens at 10. We sat till 10:10 and I finally said, "Do you think someone needs to go up and find out when they open?" Poor Uncle Homer, the most crippled-up of all of us, gets out of the car and goes to the door where the guy tells us they don't open till 10:30. Uncle Homer says, "Oh okay, well that's no problem, son. But in the meantime, could I just get a barrel of chicken?" I wasn't sure, but I figured there probably wouldn't be enough at this reunion to merit a whole entire barrel of chicken. Fortunately he just came out to the car with a bucket instead.

The reunion was really interesting. It's a reunion of what's left of those who attended 4 one-room schoolhouses in Edmond back in the 20's, 30's and 40's. There were about 40 there this year, which they said was the biggest crowd they'd had in awhile. Every year they start out remembering those who've passed on in the past year. I can't imagine being at that point in my life...counting off on my fingers those of my friends who've passed since the last time we got together. Two precious little ol' guys played the mandolin and guitar and we sang You Are My Sunshine and The Red River Valley. One even broke out the harmonica for one verse. During dinner, the oldest fella there (93) treated us to stories, all of which started out with "You remember the time...?" He told us he bought his first car for $16. That amazed me. $16 won't even buy a pair of jeans for my kids now, but back then it bought him a whole entire car. Wow. Sis and I sat across the table from Foo and Hinky, who are actual relatives of ours. We found out later that Foo's real name is Cecil, but couldn't help but wonder how he got dubbed something like Foo. I think Hinky's name actually is Hinky. Bless her heart.

We saw where they were born, the old place Grandpa Glenn farmed, where their schoolhouse was and then we were done in Edmond. We drove on into OK City to the memorial. That was a solemn event. I will try to get some pictures posted tomorrow (it's getting late now and I don't have the patience to fight with uploading tonight). We spent quite awhile there, reflecting, remembering and I shed a few tears. We didn't go through the museum because, well, Papa and Uncle Homer felt that $7 was highway robbery or something and refused to pay it. I would like to go back through it sometime, but it's probably best we didn't that day. I hear it's pretty emotional. We drove to the Capitol building after that. I had assumed we would actually go inside the building, but nope, we just pulled into the parking lot, Uncle Homer and I took pictures of the new Indian statue on top of the rotunda and off we drove again. Papa was obsessed with that Indian for some reason. I will make sure he gets a copy of the picture. We drove home about halfway on old Route 66, stopping at the "round barn" in Arcadia. It's actually round! Not multi-sided, but really round. Pretty cool.

Of course, Papa and Uncle Homer nodded off in the backseat on the way home. Heather and I chit-chatted and enjoyed some grownup conversation. After their naps, we were on the interstate again and about 30 miles from home when Heather passed a semi. When she got almost around him he honked. She jumped and said, "What? I didn't do anything wrong!" From the backseat we hear a snicker, bordering on a giggle, and Papa is doing the trucker honk pull thing! That totally cracked him up - the fact that the guy actually honked at him! It was the most hilarious thing I've experienced in a long time. A perfect way to end the day.

The Diva has spoken at 11:06 PM CDT

Tuesday, September 14, 2004 - 11:05 PM CDT

Name: Jenn
Home Page:

Aren't daddys the greatest! That is just to funny. My aunt lives in Jenks, OK. It is just outside of Tulsa, she works at Williams company.

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