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The Ramblings of a Redneck Diva
Sunday, November 14, 2004
All aboard!
Mood:  special
This Friday was supposed to have been Sam's first "guy" slumber party. (My dad said that when it's guys it's not a slumber party, but a sleep over. I had no idea, lol) Anyway, Gentry was all cleared to come, but the other little boy ended up being out of town with a sick family member, so the party fizzled. Plus, due to schedules and such, the girls were going to have to be here as well. That was going to leave my niece, Addison, the only one of the cousins NOT at my house Friday night! How unfair! So I talked to Sam about it, explained everything and we decided that he should just have a "cousin slumber party" instead. What a sweet kid. So to make up for the poo that lead to a fizzled out party, I decided to surprise the kids by taking them to see The Polar Express.

I had dinner ready when they got home from school on Friday and then whisked them all off to karate after that. Keep in mind karate is 25 minutes to the north of our house. The theatre is 25 minutes to the south. There was some serious driving in the mom taxi that night! I managed to keep the whole thing a surprise until we got to the city limits of Grove. Oh the jubilant screaming and rejoicing! Kady has seen 3 movies in the theatre and does pretty well, but it depends on her mood. I made sure she had a good nap that afternoon and also made sure I had plenty of money for snacks, lol. Bribery works so well with that child.

The line was out the door when we got there. For me this was no big deal, I'm pretty patient. Husband, however, is not. He immediately sighed and started complaining. I was talking through clenched teeth out the side of my mouth saying "For the love of God, darling, if you start this shit I will murder you right here and scream self-defense." He wasn't scared, but at least he shut up. So I forked out $32 for 5 child and 2 adult movie tickets. I knew what it was going to cost before I got there. Husband's jaw nearly hit the ground. He started with the "THIRTY TWO BUCKS FOR MOVIE TICKETS!?!?" and again I started with the clenched jaw threats. If he thought the tickets were pricey, he was going to have a stroke at the price of concessions. "Okay, here we go: I need 5 small Sierra Mists, one large Mountain Dew, a small popcorn, green Sour Straws, a Kit Kat and a box Junior Mints." The poor kid behind the counter was so sweet and even gave the boys cups so they could split the Junior Mints without much fighting. Pretty intuitive for a teenager, I thought. The bill there was $18.75. More sighing directly behind me. An evil thought was passed to him through my newly honed psychic bitching skills.

Gone are the days of husband and I sitting side-by-side in a movie theatre. At least when the kids are present. With a preschooler we have learned that you must sit at opposite ends of the row so that you can effectively keep her from wandering into the aisles and bugging the crap out of the other folks. So I walked into the row first, trailing 5 kids behind me. Husband closed off the parade and we then proceded to take off coats, keep cups full of liquid, not spill candy and all this while keeping low profiles because the previews had begun. The box of Junior Mints did end up getting spilled, but the tears were quickly quelled when Addison shared her Kit Kat with the boys. Somehow Paul ended up with Kady, HA! For once I didn't have the squirmy child with a razor-sharp tailbone wiggling all over my lap. Ah, sweet freedom.

The movie itself was absolutely magical! I was so drawn into it that I found myself gasping, sighing and yes, even crying. The story is so precious and timeless and I don't care what those stupid reviewers on Yahoo say, it's a good movie.

The highlight of the film was when Addison was so caught up in the story that she yelled out "GRAB THE CHRISTMAS PRESENT!" at the top of her lungs, threw her arms in the air and jumped out of her seat. The entire place was laughing at that. She was on the edge of her seat through the whole movie, wide-eyed and bouncing. She'd lean over and breathlessly ask, "What's going to happen next, Aunt Kiki?" and I'd have to rub her back to calm her down and say, "Don't know, sweetie, but we'll see soon!" When inside I wanted to yell "What's going to happen next??"

Husband wasn't all that impressed with it. But then again, the man hasn't believed in Santa Claus in like 35 years. What could I expect? He was still seething about the cost of it all. But in my opinion, it's like the MasterCard commercials - totally priceless. Those 5 kids were caught up in a magical story about Santa and Christmas and elves and presents for nearly 2 hours that night. So was I. It was so breath-taking to look down the row at those precious children looking up in fascination at the story unfolding before them. It made any stress I'd endured, any miles I'd put on my van, any money I'd spent totally fade away.

This year I figured was going to be a dicey year for Ab, being a big 8 year old and all. She hasn't really questioned Santa's existence, but still I figured her time was pretty limited. The movie took care of any doubts she might've had. She is still completely convinced. So am I.

The Diva has spoken at 9:37 PM CST
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Adventures in Babysitting
Mood:  sharp
Overheard this morning -

Kady: Hey, Channnnnnler, let's play Family!
Chandler: Okay, Kay-dee.
(The playing of Family commences)
Kady: Wachoo dooooing, Channnler?
Chandler: I'm making Floop Loops!
Kady: (exasperated) It's Troop Loops, Channnnler.
Chandler: NO! Floop Loops!
Kady: (Hands on hips now) Say. Troop. Loops. Say it!
Chandler: IT'S FLOOP LOOPS!!!!!!


Overheard just a few minutes ago when it was eerily quiet in KD's room. I have a monitor in there and was hearing no sounds, so I knew something was up. -
(Scuffling noises, but muffled)
(I stepped into the room, no children. More muffled scuffles.)
(The closet doors were moving. Ah, I found the children.)
Kady: Channnler, me tooted.
Chandler: (giggle)
Kady: Channnnnnler, me said me tooted!
Chandler: I know, Kay-dee.
Kady: (sing-songing) Me tooted in the cllllllossssset!
Chandler: Kay-dee tooted in the cllllossssset!
Kady: Me smell it.
Chandler: Me too.

The Diva has spoken at 8:12 AM CST
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Looky what I got!
Mood:  special
I got a flip phone!

Hey, I realize that everyone and their dog and their pre-teen children now have flip phones, but I've been carrying around one of those damn free Nokias they give away with a new contract for 5 years now! It's about time I had something cool and not FREE! Yeah, let's spend some money, for cryin' out loud!

Anyway, I'm excited.

The Diva has spoken at 6:28 PM CST
Can you tell me how to get ... how to get to Sesame Street?
Mood:  quizzical
Does anyone remember the frustrated pianist on Sesame Street who was trying to write songs and they never turned out right and he'd get all flustered and yell "Oh I'll NEVer get it! Never!" then he'd bang his head on the piano keys?

This is what happens when you do that to your computer keyboard:


How anticlimactic eh? I was expecting more keys pressed considering the size of my forehead and the rate at which I was banging in on the keyboard. Hmmm... that kinda bites.

The Diva has spoken at 3:17 PM CST
Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Mood:  loud
How do you tell if a cat is male or female? No, really, I wanna know. We have this cat...and we thought it was a girl. We named her Maggie. But "she" wiggles her tail constantly at things, obviously marking her territory. I thought only boy cats did this, but I also thought they actually sprayed when they did it. Nothing spraying from her behind, nope. Now, please don't think I have sexually molested or harassed my cat, but yesterday I held it down and tried to determine is those were indeed cat testicles or what sitting nestled under the tail of said feline. Well, it didn't go for that, as I'm sure you probably guessed. And I still don't know if this cat is male or female! ARGH

Do you ever get like all kinds of freaky, antsy, like you wanna jump outta your skin? I'm thinking I need mood-altering drugs or an exorcism at this point. I was so down this morning, not cranky, just blue. Then I went to absolutely exhuberant and even clog danced a little on the car port a few minutes ago. I haven't clog danced in a long time folks. And let me just say that smoking a cigarette while clogging can be hazardous to your health. Just so you know.

If it was cold, I'd swear it was going to snow right now. It just looks like winter out there. But it's just crisply autumn-y. Weird-ass Oklahoma weather.

The Diva has spoken at 3:01 PM CST
Monday, November 8, 2004
I'm baaaaaaaaaaack
If there were a mood description on here that said: "Calm, relaxed, noodle-legged, serene, happy, satisfied and totally at peace with one's self" then I would have had to have put it in the little mood space up above today. Alas...there wasn't such a mood. But that's how I feel.

I got back from Branson last night around 6pm. I made the absolute most of my time away and enjoyed every ever-lovin' second of it. I slept, I read, I shopped, I slept...Good Lord in heaven I SLEPT.

But first...if you know me at all, know there has to be drama in my life before anything grand can happen. You realize this, right?

Thursday night I had all 3 kids packed for their "YaYa's" (That would be my darling sister)house when they went to bed. I hadn't packed myself yet, but knew it wouldn't take long to throw everything in my suitcase in the morning. I gave Kady a breathing treatment before bed because she was a little rattly and I figured I'd just nip any asthma flare-up in the bud before I left. I was going to send inhalers, but not the nebulizer, figuring things wouldn't escalate to the point of needing the big-dog meds. When I have a mission in the works, when I have a lot on my mind and myself being a bit on the obsessive/compulsive side, I work myself into the ground fretting and fussing before something can take place. I had done that Thursday night - flown about the house packing bags, writing notes to Sis, Paul and the kids' teachers, writing myself notes to remind me of all the things I needed to get in Branson and the things Mom needed me to get, too. Finally I collapsed into bed around 11:30, knowing 5:30 was going to come durn early, but also knowing that once I got to the motel I could sleep to my heart's content.

At 1am I was awakened from a deep damn sleep to the sound of my youngest making some strange-ass noises. Initial thought: she's puking. That's always my initial thought when the kids make noise in the middle of the night. They always pick the wee hours of the morning to barf; it's a kid thing. The barf theory was quickly pushed aside when I heard her attempting to breathe but the only thing she could do was gasp and wheeze. I threw those covers off so hard I threw them off of Paul, too. Normally nothing wakes that man up, not even the sounds of kid barfing (selective hearing, methinks) but he woke up on this one. But he didn't get out of bed. Still wondering about that one... Anyway, I scooped her up and ran her to the living room, flipped on a lamp and checked her over. She was making a sound akin to that of a harp seal in between gasps and wheezes, but her lips were not blue, so I knew she was at least getting oxygen. I ran to the kitchen, grabbed the albuterol from the cabinet and proceded to try to fill the nebulizer cup with shaking hands and sleep-blurred eyes. I crammed the thing in her mouth and fired it up. She took as deep a breath as she could, coughed, took the mouthpiece out and said, "Me making some scawwwwy sounds, Momma." That was the understatment of the year. I kept trying to get her to take deep breaths, but she just couldn't so after 5 minutes (it seemed like so much longer) I yelled for Paul to get up and I ran to get the phone. I called the ER and got in touch with a nurse who after hearing Kady bark said to take her outside into the night air and if that didn't help then to get her in the car and get her to the hospital quick as I could. I appreciated the help, but it panicked me just a bit. I didn't even grab a blanket, I just ran out the front door. Imagine the scene of 3 year old with wildly curly hair gasping for air, shivering in her mother's arms and oh the mother, she's in her red nightgown, her own wildly curly hair all over the place and barefoot as the day she was born. It was a memory that should go on this year's Christmas card for sure. While I was outside breathing that wonderfully healing night air Paul was getting dressed. He relieved me of my night watch while I got dressed and called my mom, asking her to meet me at the hospital. Paul met me around the house, we got a blanket around her and I hit the flashers and off we sped. This was the second time I have had to make a 20 minute drive with my flashers on all the way to the hospital and frankly, I don't really enjoy it all that much. (The first time was when Paul had his car vs motorcycle wreck - shudder)

Mom met me in the parking lot, we ran her in and the check-in girl, who had a pretty low-key attitude when I walked in, immediately shifted into high gear when she the baby seal bark emitting from the child in my arms. She typed like crazy, getting only the most critical information, called the ER and told them they needed to get up front quickly. A paramedic breezed in, witnessed the barking and wheezing and sped us back to the trauma room. Trauma room? Oh the implications there...I was having to actually make my feet take steps by that point.

They went to work, getting her set up on an EKG, pulse ox and God knows what else. She was so brave and calm and I was so proud of her. Of course, she wanted her Grammy, which was fine - I'm glad Grammy was there, too. The doctor checked her out and asked me what I thought it was. Well, all this time I was convinced it was an asthma attack, plain and simple. Nope. Second guess anyone? The Croup. The CROUP. I thought the Croup was just a name people called a really bad cough, but actually it's what happens when one of 5 nasty viruses causes the back of the airway to shut off, causing the sharp baby seal bark that everyone calls the Croup. All this time I thought asthma attacks were instantaneous and immediate and the Croup was something you worked into, but in all actuality it was the opposite. He said in a child her age they rarely have a sudden onset asthma attack. Learn something new everyday. He said her asthma was definitely in play here, but that wasn't causing the distressing, yet impressive, moose impersonation she was showing off that night.

They gave her a breathing treatment with some racemic epi and gave her a shot of Dexamethasone and by the time we left she wasn't wheezing anymore. Still coughing but not wheezing. He assured me she was fine and in all likelihood would be right as rain within 24 hours, that kids heal fast, especially with steroids in 'em. I took her home and she and I slept in my bed the remaining 2 hours that were left of the night.

By the time we all got up and I got the big kids off the school, she was fine. Still coughing, but only minorly and seemed happy as a clam. You could tell she was tired, but hey so was I. I talked it over with Mom, Paul and Sis and they all felt like she was out of the woods and that all was well and that I should go on ahead with my trip.

That was a hard decision. But I went. Selfish me won again.

And man...whaddya know - she really was right as rain. And now so am I.

The Diva has spoken at 9:05 PM CST
Thursday, November 4, 2004
Adios amigos!
Mood:  special

Nearly 3 glorious days in the beautiful Ozarks by myself to do what I want to gosh I'm delirious silly at the prospect. I take two of these "selfish vacations" a year and I am in serious need of one now. I'm frazzled. Perfect durn timing. I am hoping to get the bulk of my Christmas shopping done - at least the stuff I can't get at WalMart anyway. I will sleep when I want, read when I want, watch what I want on TV (which I doubt will be much - I'm looking forward to some silence) and eat where I want. My gosh, I sound so incredibly SELFISH!!! Sorry if I come across this way...but well, now that I think about it...why else would I take a "selfish vacation"? lol

You guys out there in Blogland have a wonderful weekend and I will catch y'all next week!

The Diva has spoken at 10:58 PM CST
Tuesday, November 2, 2004
Okay, here are some pics of us during our trick or treating spree on Saturday.

Sis and I dressed up, although this picture just does not do our outfits justice. I wish you could see my teeth (or lack thereof) better. I hadn't dressed up since I was in high school, so it was a blast.

The kids all looked adorable in their costumes and I really think this was the best year ever. I put a lot of effort into their costumes and didn't spend a lot of money. I love it when it works out that way!

The Diva has spoken at 10:06 PM CST
Goodness I've missed my blog
Mood:  chillin'
Again, the "chillin'" on my mood is because I'm COLD. Today was just damp and cold and rather dreary. Perfect fall weather, but I guess I'm just not used to it because I walked around in my "granny sweater" and sweats all day, constantly checking the kids' hands to see if they were cold, bitching about my own hands being cold and checking the thermostat. Man, I love winter.

Funny story: I teasingly call my husband "bitch" a lot. He's my "trash bitch" when the trash needs taken out and burned. The "light bitch" when a lightbulb has burned out. "Clothes bitch" when he has clean uniforms to hang up and I'm tired of moving them off the bed at night and back on again in the morning, but I simply refuse to do more than launder them. Anyway, I was cold all evening and had been curled up on the couch in a blanket when I heard him pull in. I went to the door and upon seeing no children around I said, "Get in here and build a fire, bitch!" Well, my sneaky near-3-year-old was right behind me and said, "Yeah, BITCH, build momma a fire!" Me and my big mouth. Of course, it was hilarious funny but being a parent I couldn't laugh, when this evening Abby came up front holding a blanket out at arm's length and said "Uhh Mom...the cat pissed all over this blanket." I wanted to just blurt out a big BWAH! at that, but instead I laid my head down on the edge of the cabinet, hid my face with my arms and said, "Oh Ab, please tell me you don't use the word pissed at school." She shrugged and said, "Oh my gosh no!" Whew. So she's only sailor-talking for her parents, how sweet. I really need to watch my mouth.

Speaking of cat, we brought the cat in the house today. We got her on Ab's birthday, but she's been strictly outside. Well, when I discovered on Saturday that our rodent friends had been feasting on ramen noodles in the pantry I cleaned it all out, disinfected it and put everything in Tupperware, only to find that Sunday morning they had decided that since the noodles were gone they wanted bread instead. So I told the bitch to set some traps. FINALLY he did. 2 in the pantry and 3 in the former "craft cabinet" (which is now devoid of anything but some dried up containers of play-doh and an old lunchbox). This morning there was one nasty sucker dead in a trap in the cabinet. All other traps were clear. This morning I was out here in my office when I heard one in the cabinet snap again. It wasn't checked until the kids got home and I gave them a flashlight and told them to see if there was a critter on there. Man, they had a jolly time with that. Sure enough, one more dead. When I was fixing dinner I noticed that one in the pantry was tripped but no critter was on it. I asked the kids if they had thrown something up there and accidently tripped it, but they denied it, however Abby did say she had heard it go off while she was in the utility room earlier. So when Paul got home he emptied the full trap and reset the tripped one. And what did the cat do all day? Sleep in my chair. Stupid cat. Sure glad we brought her in here to keep the mice at bay.

I started watching a new kid today. She's 16 months old. She's a very active 16 month old, too. Of course, I think they all are, I'm just out of practice. I'm used to the independent playings of 2 and 3 year olds. She's a sweetheart though, and I really enjoy having her here. Well, she made herself right at home here this morning. I was giving the cat a bath and if you've never bathed a half-grown cat, lemme tell ya, you haven't lived. I've bathed kittens before and that's okay, they don't squirm too much. Well, this little darling squirmed. Really not as much as I was expecting - I was expecting to walk out of there slightly resembling something from a Leslie Nielsen movie, know what I mean? Hair disheveled, clothing shredded, blood seeping from multiple scratch wounds...Yeah. Well, soon as she realized there was water running she started trying to walk up my arms, neck whatever she could get a claw on, but I just grabbed her in one hand around the neck, the other hand by the back feet and firmly dunked her. She sputtered, twisted and tried to escape so I dunked her again. She quit. Funny how that happens. After that she was sullenly content to be bathed. Until the one-year-old fell head first into the tub. So now I have one soapy hand on a soapy, cranky, borderline pissed-off cat and one soapy hand on the child trying to keep her from drowning and I'm screaming "PAUL GET IN HERE!!!" Fortunately he was home. Had he been gone already I would've had to let go of soapy cat and she would've shot outta that tub like a rocket and no telling where'd she have gone. Probably would've ended up under my bed to get dust bunnies in her soapy wet fur. But anyway, Paul came running and rescued the child, dried her off and then proceded to nearly collapse into laughter at the sight of me kneeling at the side of the tub, hair in my face, surrounded by squealing children, sporting a soaking wet sweatshirt. It was a Kodak moment, I'm sure.

I'm hoping that the reason the cat has slept all day isn't that she's lazy, but that she was just traumatized by the bathing experience this morning and that tomorrow I'll wake up to a pile of dead mouse carcasses and a proudly murderous cat. I'm hoping. I can always hope.

The Diva has spoken at 9:50 PM CST
Saturday, October 30, 2004
Friday! Friday! Friday!
Yesterday was absolutely whirlwind, but it was SUCH a good day! Some days are hectic and really crappy, but some are hectic and really really good.

It started off with me getting to lie on the couch and sleep for about 45 minutes after the kids got on the bus. Kady was happy watching TV and I was happy snoozing. I had actually set the alarm for an hour, but the phone woke me up early. Still it was nice to just doze awhile. The phone call was Trishia, telling me that the teacher next door to her (who I sort of knew, but not really, since I'd subbed for her a few times last year) was desperate for a sitter on Monday and Tuesday. Well, being the opportunist I am, I said sure thinking what's two days? It's an extra $30 is what it is, lol. Then as the conversation progressed she told me that it could be Mondays and Tuesdays for a few months. Eh, wasn't real excited about that, but it is only two days a week, teacher's hours and temporary. I told her I would and to have the woman call me. She hasn't yet, so we'll see if it pans out. So then I just got around, got ready, gathered stuff for the kids' costumes and stuff for the parties. Chandler got here around 9:30, I got the costumes on the kids (I had planned on leaving them in regular clothes all day, but I figured heck might as get as much wear as possible out of those costumes, right?)and out the door we headed.

I was kind of getting stressed at that point, thinking of all the things I needed to get done and wasn't sure where'd I fit them all in. But I just tried to concentrate on having a good day and let it all go. I made a quick stop at the Friendship House and was really disappointed to find the scarves sadly picked over. Last week they had TONS but I waited thinking I'd find some I liked better. That'll teach me. I grabbed two- one white, one blue- paid my $1.17 and off we ran again. Then we went to WalMart, of course, can't go to town without going there, lol. I picked up the black hair spray for Sam, extra vampire makeup because I wasn't sure just how much of it I'd use at school and knew we had another day of dress-up to go (turns out I didn't need it but oh well), a few groceries and a dozen donuts for Sam's party. Bleh, donuts for kindergarteners? I was perplexed with that one - what happened to cupcakes or cookies?? After WalMart we headed straight home so I could feed the kids lunch, load up the party stuff, gather the karaoke machine (Courtney borrowed it for a party she's going to tonight), and managed to throw in an argument with Kady. Ah, that kid...

We got to the school during the last of Sam's class' rest time, so I took that opportunity to take the party stuff to Ab's room in the next building, give her her costume and then ran back to Sam's building. I hadn't even practiced with his makeup, so I was really unsure what I was doing. OH WOW, he looked GREAT! There was a toothless, stinky redneck couple (bless their hearts, but they were distracting!) sitting there with me in the hall giving me a running commentary and assaulting my olfactory senses, so I'm thinking that today while I'm in my own home I can do an even better job, lol. The hairspray was a little blotchy, but I was trying to keep it low-key and not spray the tables, floor and anybody walking by. Today I'm standing him on the carport with a towel around his and spraying the heck outta him. His makeup looked freaky cool and Courtney said that on the parade he got tons of compliments and she heard a bunch of "Wow, someone's mom is a good makeup artist". Amazing what that $1.84 vampire makeup from WM can do. My plan was to make a short appearance at Sam's party, but since I was the one in charge of Ab's it just didn't happen. It was kind of hectic over there with 19 7/8 year olds squealing, playing pranks, hugging me and trying to kidnap my two youngest wards. Actually I really didn't have to pay too much attention to KD and Chan because between Ab and two other little mothering girls they were occupied and taken care of. I'd look around every now and then, eyeball the red-headed duck hunter and the cheerleader with sausage curl dogears and go back to the party. Abby looked great in her gypsy costume, complete with dramatic makeup and lots of jewelry. The scarf I wasn't so happy with, but it was my fault we got a crappy one. I'm not done yet, though - I may find some other fabric to wrap around her head today, lol. KD and Chan ate their weights in cotton candy pilfered from Ab's classmates, drank more strawberry pop than should be allowed by law and made out like bandits in the candy department. They were so well-behaved and I didn't regret taking Chan on the extra day - I knew he'd like the party. When Ab's party had wound down I finally got a chance to gather up stuff and children and make it back over to Sam's room. There were like 3 kids left in the room and I was sure he'd be really disappointed in me having not shown up, but I think he had had a great time being the scariest looking vampire in the room. He loves that attention. Wonder who he gets that from..... I took a few moments to secretly loathe Courtney for wearing the cheerleading uniform she wore in high school. Agh, I can wear a pair of earrings I wore in high school, but that's about it. I guess I should be happy for her. *gag*

We left the school and drove to town to get Ab's glasses fixed for the second week in a row. The same nosepiece keeps falling off, screw and all. They said if it happens again we'll just order new frames because there is something obviously wrong with those. I left Sam in the car with the babies, who had fallen either asleep or into diabetic comas at that point and standing inside the office, looking out at my boy sitting in the driver's seat waiting on us, he looked just like Eddie Munster!! ROFL I was laughing and commenting on it and (of course, Ab's going "Who's Eddie Munster") a man waiting looked out and said "Oh my gosh, he does!" Pretty cute. So then we drove out to WM so I could bum money off the husband (who said no, btw, the jerk) and showed Ab and Sam off to a couple of the techs in the shop. Then we stopped at the bank to cash a check I really had intended on depositing, but since butthead wouldn't give any up, I had to make do. Then I drove downtown to meet Chan's daddy so they could get haircuts. I was early so I took the time to clean out the van. It's still a mess, but now it's an organized mess. I've gotta get out there and really clean it out so I'll have room for all the candy we're going to acquire tonight. (High hopes, it doesn't hurt, lol) So then after we dropped off Chandler we still had 45 minutes till karate, so the kids and I ran into WM yet again, to find tooth-black for Sis and I, since we decided to dress up. They don't sell tooth-black! Probably some kid choked on a microscopic piece one year and they took it off the market. That was a dry run. Then it was off to karate. I had wiped off all of Sam's makeup but his hair was still dark. Sensei didn't recognize him and that cracked Sam up. Then after karate we ran through McD's - okay I say "ran through". Running through at a snail's pace, more like it. I guess everyone was in the mood for McFood. While waiting, I heard a weather bulletin on the radio that said we were under a tornado watch till 10 and the storms were severe. I called Heather (who was 5 cars behind me) to tell her. She said we should wait awhile longer to make a decision on the football game, (the girls were supposed to cheer) but it was lookin' pretty bad and I wasn't sure we needed to wait. I was pretty much convinced. By the time I got to the other end of town I called Mom and told her I wasn't going. I wasn't sure what Sis was gonna do, but the Hoov's weren't going. We drove home in a torrential downpour, punctuated by the occasional cloud-to-ground lightning and gale-force winds. Yikes. Paul was waiting for us on the carport to help unload and we were home for the night.

Something weird happened when we'd been home about 30 minutes. Abby got a phone call. Yes, that would be my 8 year old. It was a girl in her class. She had a shocked look on her face that I'm sure just mirrored the shocked one on my face. It was still storming at that point and Cheyenne said she was going to the game. I told Ab that more than likely she really wasn't and maybe she just thought her parents were still taking her. Well, by 7:30 when the game started, the storm had pretty much passed but there was still lightning. We just weren't going out in that. So by 8 the kids were in bed. I had no sooner turned out Ab's light when the phone rang for her again. It was Cheyenne telling her she was at the game and why wasn't Ab there. Ohhh poor Abby! She just hung up, handed me the phone and said with a deadpan look on her face, "Mom, they're having the game." My heart hit my toes. She just laid down and didn't say another word. I started to just walk out and leave it but I couldn't. I sat down on her bed and she jumped up and threw her arms around my neck, crying. I said, "Sweetie, your daddy and I just feel like it's still too dangerous to sit at a football game in the lightning. I know you're disappointed, but I really don't want to get electrocuted!" She giggled a little and I said I was sorry. She sniffed and said that it was really okay, she understood and could she please go to camp again next year. You betcha, you old-souled little angel, would you like a new car, too? Ah, parental guilt- there's nothing like it.

Paul and I watched a show on a haunted town in Kansas, had a discussion on ghosts, demons and their existence. He doesn't believe in anything but angels. I think that's pretty closed-minded. I mean, God's got his helpers, you know Satan has his, too. Some say that "ghosts" are nothing more than demons - even the nice ones - and they are just out to torment, confuse and plague people. I'm not sure about this one. My upbringing in the Southern Baptist church battles with my tendency to wonder beyond what's taught in Sunday School. I just know I think Halloween's one of the coolest dang holidays ever! I love that spooky stuff.

Well, I gotta go...I've gotta get around and then go clean out that darn van. Bleh.

I'll be posting pics of all of us in costume so be sure to check back!

The Diva has spoken at 9:27 AM CDT
Thursday, October 28, 2004
An adventure
I have recently gotten absolutely captivated by a story that I just had to share with y'all.

It's about Nathaniel, the obese feline in need of affection. Here's an excerpt from the kindergarten reader, "I Can":

Nat is a cat.
Nat is fat.
Is Nat a cat?
Nat is a fat cat.

Nat the cat is fat.
Is the cat a fat cat?
The fat cat is Nat.
Nat is on a mat.

Is the cat on the mat fat?
The cat on the mat is Nat.
Nat is a fat cat.
Pat the cat.

Pat Nat the cat.
Nat the cat is on the mat.
Is the cat on the mat?
Is the cat on the mat fat Nat?
Pat the fat cat Nat.

Can you see why I'm so captivated?

MY GOSH, but I need a vacation.

The Diva has spoken at 9:07 AM CDT
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
This is what happens
This is what happens when you hang around with two 2-year olds all day long:

The Diva has spoken at 10:59 PM CDT
High drama
It's only Wednesday!?

Monday morning Sis went to work like normal and got fired. We are all still reeling from it, completely confused and more than a little upset. The actual term used was "insubordination", but Sis is fighting it. I'm not going to say more than that. Big Brother might be watching, lol. It just been a very trying and a very emotional week. I had Mom and Sis and the kids out for dinner Monday night just to talk things over, let everyone vent and just be together and support each other. I'm a "fixer" by nature and it pains me to no end to not be able to help either one of them and make it better. Later in the evening Sis' friend (and mine too) Melissa, came out and we ended up going out to the casino awhile after the kids went to bed. Paul let me go without a word. I think he knew I needed to be with Sis and we all needed a diversion.

Yesterday was fairly uneventful EXCEPT that my son has been through a trauma. He seems no worse for the wear, but still it's distressing when a parent hears that her not quite 6 year old son is being dare I say it - sexually harassed in the school bathroom. Yes, I dared say it. Several boys were making fun of his penis and laughing and telling him it was small. WTF??? They're 5 and 6 - they ALL have small penises! I was nauseated, literally nauseated, when he told me. He's been having nightmares the last week or so and finally yesterday morning I got it out of him that that was what was going on. I sent a note with him for the teacher to call me when she had time. Thankfully we have 2 really great teachers in his grade at our school and they got on it immediately. They had a talk with everyone about not belittling other people, much less their private parts and she told me she felt things were resolved, the boys didn't know what they were saying was really bad wrong and they felt bad they had hurt his feelings, but that if I hear of it happening again they will take more drastic action. I hate to be labelled as "one of those parents" who complains about every little thing - and the teacher assured me I was justified in my concern - but my gosh...these are young boys, 5 and 6 year olds. Where are they learning such cruel bahavior? And such private behavior?? My sister said it was probably some redneck dad or older brother spouting his mouth off about someone's size and their manliness. Bullcrap. Kids're like little sponges.

Today was okay really. Except for the SMELL. But no one got fired or harassed, so the smell I guess is pretty trivial. I don't like it, but it's not deadly. Yet.

Kady did get her flu shot today. We couldn't get it at her regular PA's office, but we got one at the Health Department. They had a limited supply, but we got one. Because of her age she only got a half dose and is supposed to get the other half in a month, but they're not sure they'll have any. Same thing happened last year and she was fine so if she doesn't get one I'm not going to freak.

It's too cloudy and rainy to see the eclipse tonight. What a bummer. The last time there was a lunar eclipse I woke Ab up at midnight to see it. I had her bundled up and carried her outside. She lifted her head off my shoulder, looked at it and said, "Yeah, great. Now could you put me back in my bed?" Hey, I tried.

I just had a wonderful conversation on Yahoo with my BFF - Tiffany!!! We are both trying so hard to not call each other multiple times a day and running up our phone bills, but it's hard!! Tonight she downloaded messenger and we had a great conversation, making fun of our husbands, just like we do in real life! Gotta love the 'net.

Well, I'm going to go take off my eye makeup and then rub my eyes. There are few things better than that - taking off all the goop and then rubbing your eyes till you see the greenish glowing floaty things. To quote everyone's favorite inmate "It's a good thing."

The Diva has spoken at 10:56 PM CDT
I smell a smell
Mood:  smelly

I will go insane if I don't find the origin of the smell! The smell is bad. The smell is offensive. The smell is embarrassing!

Husband took out the trashes this morning. The smell remained.

Sis and I pulled the refrigerator out away from the wall this afternoon and I mopped and Lysol-ed behind it. The smell is still here!

I have cleaned ad nauseum, doing things that I just don't normally do when I clean. WHERE IS THE FREAKING SMELL COMING FROM?????

I'm thinking it's a dead mouse that's hidden somewhere. We've run all the traps and there's no decaying critter on any of them. The smell is somewhere in the vicinity of my cabinets on my kitchen's north wall, so I'm thinking it's under the dishwasher or under the sink, like under under the sink.


I hate the smell.

The Diva has spoken at 10:10 PM CDT
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Remember when I said...
Mood:  spacey
...this morning that my life was perfect?

I really need to clarify something:

3 screaming children is not perfect.
3 children running about the house like they have been smoking crack is not perfect.
Being a hunting widow is not perfect.
The fact that it's 9 minutes till 7:30pm and I am just waiting for the clock to strike the half hour so that I can justify putting my kids to bed is not perfect.
The fact that I have developed a quirky little twitch on the left side of my face that occurs every time my son screams in such a pitch that the neighborhood dogs begin barking is not perfect.
3 children "pretending they are babies" and have decided you are their "mommy" and they are now sitting at your feet talking baby talk and drooling on your legs is not perfect.

Just thought I'd clarify.

The Diva has spoken at 7:24 PM CDT
Great.... I'm a freaking wimp
Mannnnnnn...I guess this "bad girl/biker bitch/redneck woman/naughty housewife" image isn't working eh?

You Are Not Scary

Not Scary!

Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?

The Diva has spoken at 11:15 AM CDT
What to wear

You Should Be a Girl Scout for Halloween!

You Should Be a Girl Scout for Halloween!

Yeah, yeah...whatever. That just isn't much fun. I wanna go as Super Mom - think they make capes in hot purple with glitter and sequins?

The Diva has spoken at 11:06 AM CDT
What kind
You Are a Life Blogger!

Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary. If it happens, you blog it. And make it as entertaining as possible.
I found this link over at David's blog and thought I'd give it a whirl. It pretty much told me what I already knew though. You, too, I'm sure.

The Diva has spoken at 10:51 AM CDT
Too much of a good thing is a good thing
Mood:  happy

I'm sitting at my computer desk in my office. I'm still in my pj's, savoring the last cup of coffee and rather enjoying it. My youngest child is finally getting to wear her "fluffy shirt" that she's been begging to wear for a week but it's been too hot. She's content now. Her hair isn't fixed and she's even more content about that. My son has folded himself entirely into the laundry hamper in my bedroom and thinks no one knows where he is. He says a word or two every now and then, thinking he's giving us a grand hint as to his whereabouts. He's occupied and relatively quiet (for him anyway). I just heard happy squeals from the living room and when I turned around the look, oldest daughter was snuggling in next to her daddy, who in a rare moment of affection, put his arm around her and she cuddled in even more. They're looking over last year's school yearbook, she's curled up next to him and he's resting his chin on her head.

Upon seeing this scene unfolding right before my eyes I was just so completely overcome with emotion. This is perfect. We have a really messy house right now, the yard is covered in leaves, the kids' rooms are disasters, I desperately need to mop and pay some bills, my van looks like a family of gypsies has taken it over and are living in it as I type, my dog steals toys and other items off of the neighbor's porch, we are drowning in debt, my husband hates his job and I hate it that he hates his job. the midst of all that, deep down...

Things are perfect.

The Diva has spoken at 10:46 AM CDT
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Dental Drama, Part Deux
Mood:  incredulous
Well, we came home from Tulsa yesterday with no headgear. All they did was fit her bands, not actually install them. I was more than a little put out about this, lemme tell ya. When they did all of Sam's pre-appliance preparations they did it all in one day. They did x-rays, impressions and fit his bands all at once. THEN called us back for the installing.But oh noooo, not Abby, heavens no...they had to make us divide it up into TWO appointments! Have you SEEN the price of gas lately? It took half a tank of gas to go there and back yesterday, thereby using up nearly $25 in gas. And it wasn't that I just misunderstood either. The receptionist was under the same impression I was. We were both miffed when I checked out. She apologized all over the place and I really did appreciate that, even though it wasn't technically her fault.

Of course, Ab was thrilled that she didn't get it because her slumber party is tomorrow night and she didn't want to have to wear it for that. Plus Halloween is next week and she was worried I'd make her wear it in public, although I've SWORN to her I would never do that. Anyway, I was pissed, she was thrilled. Which seems to be how the two of us operate lately: she's one extreme, I'm the other. Can you imagine how it's going to be when she's a teenager?

Did anyone ever find any 55-gallon drums of Calgon??

The Diva has spoken at 8:55 AM CDT
Updated: Thursday, October 21, 2004 8:58 AM CDT

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