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The Ramblings of a Redneck Diva
Monday, September 6, 2004
I'd rather have actually been in labor this weekend
Mood:  accident prone
Now Playing: The whoosh and chug of the washing machine
Actual labor to produce a child was a breeze compared to this weekend!

Remember that GNO I was so anticipating Saturday night? HA! It kind of fizzled. Actually it went down in flames, a blaze of glory, poof it was no more. No more casino, no more laughing with the girls, no more fun in general.

WHICH was a good thing because at about 10:30 Saturday night Sam spiked a temp of 105.6. (This was about 30 minutes after he barfed all over me.) When Kady had Roseola she had a temp of 105, but 105.6 was just too close to 106 for my taste and I was one scared momma. I called the insurance's nurse advice line and they put me on hold. Screw that, I hung up on 'em. I called the ER and the nurse said to put him in a tepid bath. I've never done that before because it always seem cruel to me, but by golly that night I stuck him in there. It cooled him off in a hurry and he just sighed and said, "Oh momma, that feels so good!" He ran a super high fever all that night and into the next morning so around noon I had his PA paged. She finally returned my page at 2:30. And really by that time he was looking better, the fever was down and I figured he was on the mend. But she listened to my run-down of symptoms and said, "I go on shift at 3 and I want you to be there when I get there." So off to the ER we merrily go. They did a UA and he was able to produce all of barely a tablespoon, bless his heart. They took blood for a CBC and he was super brave. They did a chest x-ray and he thought that was wicked cool. They did a strep test and he gagged. And we waited. Finally she came back in and said that his white blood count was 20,000. Now, I'm not sure what it's supposed to be, but when I've said 20,000 to people they all gasp and go "oh my!", so I figure that must be pretty high. She said whatever it was was definitely bacterial, but she couldn't pinpoint where it was coming from. Every test showed negative. He was also pretty dehydrated. She said she he was sick enough on paper to be admitted, but to look at him, he was sitting up, talking and acting pretty okay, so she said she'd run some fluids and antibiotics through him in the ER and let me take him home and I should bring him back the next day for a recheck. She said she wouldn't do that for just any family, but she's seen us for the last 3 years she felt like she knew us and that I made pretty good judgment calls concerning my kids. I really appreciated the vote of confidence and did take it as a compliment, but you know, when you've had all of 4 hours of sleep in a 48 hour period, you almost kind of wish someone coherent could take over care of your sick child for awhile. But anyway. SOooooo...in come the paramedics to start his IV. Gosh, he was so brave I still tear up when I think about it. Of course, being dehydrated, they couldn't get the IV in and had to stick him 3 times. After the first stick I told him that for every time he got poked he got a toy. Then after that came out of my mouth I thought, Oh gosh, I hope they don't end up sticking him like 10 times! His PA actually walked across the street and opened up the clinic to get him a stuffed dragon because he was doing so good. He got enough stickers to open his own sticker store and was just generally made a 5-year-old hero. After about 250cc of fluid had gone in him he started pinking up and talking more and by the time 500 were in he was asking for tater tots from the Sonic. So where do you think we went immediately upon leaving the hospital?

Today we went back for his recheck and his white count was almost back to normal and they gave him the almost all-clear. The dr said if he ran a fever any more today to keep him home another day from school and to keep other kids away from him. AND to not let my daycare kids back in the house till I have disinfected and sprayed Lysol ad nauseum. Of course, he ran a fever this afternoon of 102.5. I guess it's a good thing the daycare kids won't be here tomorrow because it'll take a full day to wash all of the sheets and blankets he's touched,bbleach any bleach-able surface and drop a Lysol bomb in the middle of it all. These are good times, I'm tellin' ya. But my baby's better and that's the most important thing.

And the doctor said that when (notice I said "when" and not "if") his sisters get it at least it won't be on a holiday weekend. That is small consolation to his exhausted mother at this point.

The Diva has spoken at 8:46 PM CDT
Updated: Monday, September 6, 2004 8:50 PM CDT
Saturday, September 4, 2004
I'm back to as normal as I get
Mood:  spacey
First of all, let me say a great big THANK YOU to those who sent their sympathy and thoughts(and a hug - thank you Dave!) this past week. Even though I haven't been a blogger long, I feel like we truly are a unique group of individuals and a close-knit one at that! Guys, you rock.

Yesterday was the much-anticipated Kindergarten Luau and let me tell you what - it was everything I had anticipated: 20-some 5 year olds in Hawaiian garb eating hot-dogs on the lawn of the school in 90 degree heat. Yeah, all the fun of the islands right here in Oklahoma. My son has an aversion to hotdogs, so he ate a handful of Cheetos and a brownie at 10:45 (Which is such a stupid time to serve children LUNCH, in my opinion). I picked everyone up from school yesterday at 3:15, threw Capri Suns at them all to hydrate them while we drove into town. First stop, the barber shop. Sam and my nephew, Gentry, were both starting to resemble English sheepdogs. They had conspired in the back seat that they were both getting flat tops, yet again. I am sensing military in the future for both, lol. We then left the barbershop, got gas, then went to Great Clips to get Abby a haircut because her flippy-spiky-ultra-mod-my-cool-mom-lets-me-choose-my-hairstyle 'do was getting pretty shaggy. Bub took the 2 boys on to karate because the line at Great Clips was pretty long. FINALLY we leave the salon, Abby looking "all that and a bag of chips" once again and fly to the dojo for the last 15 minutes of karate. Sensei worked the boys really hard last night and when he finally let them go I noticed Sam was looking mighty peaked. I gave him a bottle of water in the van and told him to drink up, he was just hot. We drove the 8 blocks to the chicken place for dinner (it's nearly 6:30 by now) and when I opened the van door I saw one sick-looking little boy. Oh my goodness, he was pale, shaking, clammy and couldn't stand up. I immediately stripped him out of his gi, moved his booster seat to the middle so he could get some air and told the girls (who immediately pouted, of course) that it was pb&j for dinner because something was obviously up with their brother. As I'm driving home I'm trying to figure out what could be Sam's problem when it hit me. I asked him what he had had for snack that day, to which he replied "nothing." So, pretty much he had gone all day on that handful of Cheetos and a brownie. His blood sugar had bottomed out!! I threw a Dum Dum sucker at him (thank God we had been through the drive-thru at the bank earlier) and drove a little faster the rest of the way home. Once I got a huge spoon of peanut butter and some cheese in him he perked right up. Agh...poor guy was totally running on fumes. A friend of mine asked if diabetes runs in the family, but I poo-pooed it off as a fluke. Then my mother puts that motherly fear back in me by telling me that juvenile diabetes isn't partial to overweight children. Ohhhhh great, something to obsess over! Like I didn't have enough. So now I carry a juice box, crackers and Life-savers in the van in case it happens again. Man.

Then the poor little guy woke up at 1:30 this morning with a fever. He can't catch a break for nothing.

ROFL!! Gotta share a Kady-ism. Probably won't be as funny when I write it, but it cracked me up in real life anyway...

I just walked in to check on Sam and noticed the bathroom light was on and Kady was mysteriously quiet...not a good combo. I get to the bathroom doorway and she meets me there, attempting to block entrance. Keep in mind, she's 2, but acts MUCH older and talks much older, except for the pronoun confusion.
ME: Kady, whatcha doin?
K: (blank stare, eyes averting over her shoulder, more blank staring)
ME: Kady, whatcha doin?
K: Uhhhhh...notheeeeng
ME: Hmh. Ok, well then why are you in the bathroom?
K: Uhhhh...(light bulb goes off somewhere)Me just washed my boobies!
ME: (after biting my lip) You washed your boobies? Uhh, why?
(At this point, I noticed the side of the tub is completely covered in tub-crayon drawings. This isn't a crime, I don't care if they draw on the tub, mind you.)
K: Well (lots of dramatic hand motions at this point) see...uh...my boobies were all COLOR-DEE!
ME: Kady, why on earth did you color your boobies?
K: (blank stare)
ME: Tell you what, Sis...you can color the tub all you want, but don't color your boobies anymore, alright?
K: (Realizing she has dodged a huge bullet somewhere in the grand scheme of things) Ok, Momma! Want me to color YOUR boobies??

Well, I'm off, friends and neighbors! After the week we all endured, a group of us girls decided we deserved a GNO. It's 6:40pm and I'm still in my pajamas. Yeah...sue me. I was up all night with a sick kid, k? But in order for me to not lose out on a seriously needed GNO, I have to pick up the house, shower, dress and put together something for dinner by 8:30 when the husband is due home.

Wish me luck at the casino!!

The Diva has spoken at 6:41 PM CDT
Wednesday, September 1, 2004
Blue Wednesday
Mood:  blue
I really need to snap out of it. I'm a wreck these days. I've cried so much the last 2 days it's shameful. All I want to do is sleep because when I'm awake I cry. Not able to actually do all of the avoidance sleep I so desire, but I'd sure like to. These are signs of depression, I realize that. It's a good thing I don't have time to actually get depressed.

The boy from our church that I mentioned in yesterdays' blog...well, the family had to make the unthinkable decision to turn off his life-support today. I honestly cannot get my mind to grasp this thought, nor do I really want to. I cannot fathom the full realm of what they are going through and when my mind starts to try to conceptualize what they are enduring I just shut it down because I don't even want to ever think about something so horrible happening to my family. I have lost a child, I know about the bottomless pit of grief involved in losing a child, but the child I lost was an infant that I'd never met. I can't imagine having to actually say good-bye to a child you have held and touched and known for 16 years. Not that I'm trivializing any loss, but when I think about losing one of my children now...well, I'm not even going there.

I'm going to stay away from the blog for a day or two. I'm sure as hell not cheering anyone up and frankly, I just need some time to think without being a huge downer.

If you pray, please pray for this family's peace and comfort. If you don't pray, please keep them in your thoughts.

The Diva has spoken at 10:11 PM CDT
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
If you're looking for sunshine, flowers and rainbows...
Mood:  sad
...look elsewhere. The Diva is pretty blue today and I apologize in advance for any depression or rotten attitude I pass on.

First of all, I'm just a hair pouty these days because my husband is working a job and a half and I'm tired of playing "single mommy" now. In addition to his "real" job at the big WM, he's doing construction now. He and his friend are gutting and remodelling a house in town and when I say gutting....hoo doggies, do I mean gutting. It's a trainwreck, or at least it was when I was over there on Friday. They've done a lot since then and I'm sure it's shaping up. They really do good work and are hard workers. Which is good and bad. Good because they are getting lots of jobs lined up - right now they have work for a year. But it's also bad because the kids and I never see him. I see him more than the kids and only a tad longer. They go to bed at 8 and their daddy's getting home between 10 and midnight every night. Then he's off and running again in the morning. I'm usually in bed when he comes home, but at least he can wake me up and if I'm coherent I'll remember the conversation. Agh. We need the money, granted, but do we need it so much that we do it at the expense of our children who need their daddy? At the expense of our marriage? He asked me yesterday what my opinion on it all was. I told him that something had to give. And quick. I hate to be a real bitch about it, but geez. If I'm going to play a game of Single Mommy, I'd at least like to be gettin' some on occasion, lol.

Then my best friend, Tiff, calls today and drops a bomb that she and her husband might very likely be moving back to where they came from. They're my best "non-family" friends and I'm not handling this well at all. I'm crushed, to put it mildly. I am tickled pink that John's getting a wonderful job and they are going to be closer to their families again, but I'm bein' kind of selfish when I say that I don't want them to go! Trying to be a grownup when you wanna cry is really hard sometimes.

But all my whining about my absentee husband and relocating friends seems so trivial when I think about a family in our church right now. The 16 year old son/brother fell out of a jeep over the weekend and was run over. He's alive, but the outlook is not good. He's 16. Tell me there's fairness in that somewhere. Yeah, I didnt' think so...

I have tremendous faith in God, but sometimes the human in me just wants to throw myself down and scream out a good temper tantrum for awhile.

The Diva has spoken at 3:12 PM CDT
Updated: Wednesday, September 1, 2004 10:13 PM CDT
Monday, August 30, 2004
What a weekend
Mood:  party time!
Now Playing: "Swiper no swiping! Swiper NO swiping!"
Well, as I mentioned Friday we were supposed to get the ol' tattoos - myself getting 3 Forget-me-nots (one for each kid) and one tiny unopened bud (for the baby we lost) and my husband getting a freakin' bull head. (Hey, at least I talked him out of getting one that's snorting. Ugh. Even I'm not that redneck.) But there was a 30 minute wait at Applebee's and by the time we got out the place was closed. *sigh* How disappointing. So we came home and had really loud "the kids are outta the house" sex. Gotta love that kind.

Saturday I slept till 10:30!! I honestly do not know when the last time I slept that late was. Even if the husband (on the oh so rare occasion) gets up with the kids on a weekend, he's still sending them in to get me up by 8:30. Paul had left for the house at 6:30 and I obviously slipped into a coma shortly after that. But man, did I feel rested! For the first time in a long time I felt like I'd had enough sleep. Mom watched all 5 grandkids till that evening. I picked mine up around 4:30 and we went to a wedding shower. Then spent 3 damn hours in WalMart. Agh I hate that place. Babs over at The Conversation Station spurred off a ranting session about the big WM and lemme tell you, there are a lot of people out there who hate that place as much as I do! But you wouldn't know it because I'm there every freakin' day and for many many moons at a time. They must pipe something into the air in there that keeps you in there...Yeah, I'm sure of it. Something so incredibly addictive that we can't leave in a short amount of time and we find ourselves coming back again and again. But I digress...

Sunday my mom, sister, myself and all 5 kids took off for Branson, MO to go to Silver Dollar City. We spent the entire day there and the kids had a blast. Kady rode her first big roller coaster and loved it! My little thrill-seeker. We shopped, ate, rode rides and walked ourselves plumb tired. The weather was perfect and the traffic wasn't altogether bad, seeing as Branson is famous for the stop-and-go traffic on the "strip". All in all we had a pretty good weekend.

Finally.

The Diva has spoken at 1:01 AM CDT
Saturday, August 28, 2004
Kids say the darndest things
I just took on two new kids to babysit and one is 4 years old and incredibly precocious. Her first day here she had taken a toy away from one of the other kids and of course, the victim was crying. I was trying to explain to the toy-taker that that is just something we don't do here. She was arguing with me and getting very exasperated in the process. "But I NEEDED it!" was her repeated cry. I explained that even when you think you need a toy, if a friend has it you just have to patiently wait your turn, whether you like it or not. She had finally had enough of my quiet, calm explanations. She stomped her foot, folded her arms and said, "Well! I don't even know why she's crying she's not even bleeding!"

********************************************

My son is in Kindergarten this year and his teacher is my first cousin. She is also one of the people I clean house for on a weekly basis. Yesterday in class, they were talking about finding solutions for problems. She told the kids that if you have a problem you have to think over possible solutions to the problem and how sometimes the first solution you come up with isn't the best and you have to come up with another. Her for-instance was her laundry. "Kids, I have a hard time keeping up with my laundry. So my first solution to the problem was to just not get my clothes dirty. But then sometimes here at school I end up getting dirty anyway. So I realized that my first solution wasn't the best and I was going to have to come up wtih another one." About this time Sam's hand shot up excitedly and he said, "Mrs. Murphy! Mrs. Murphy! You don't have to worry about your laundry - my mom does your laundry!"

The Diva has spoken at 1:14 PM CDT
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Tired. Oh so tired
Mood:  spacey
Now Playing: CMT -- "I Go Back" by Kenny Chesney
What a day. This whole new babysitting expedition may be more than I can handle. I mean, it was only the first day with all 5 of them, so I'm not giving up yet. It's just going to take awhile to get used to the routine - if I can find time to set UP a routine! I managed to get 4 of the 5 to sleep at the same time (Mine was the only one who refused to sleep, the little bugger) and the house was almost completely quiet for nearly 2 hours. Heaven on earth, I'm tellin' ya.

Now enter window salesman. And 3 school kids straight from the bus. Now totalling 8 children in my house, one irritated dude peddling windows, a husband who was running late from his remodelling job and finally, 2 late-getting-off-work mommies. I had a veritable circus going on in my house this evening. It was insanity at its finest. Not to mention my sister's father-in-law had a pretty bad stroke this afternoon, so my niece and nephew ended up staying longer than normal and Mom came out right after the guy announced his outlandish price to us. Mom was upset over her youngest daughter's father-in-law's (keep up with me here) stroke then left here thinking that her oldest daughter had lost her mind and was going to buy incredibly overpriced windows. Bless her heart, she said she nearly threw up on the way back to town.

The windows were awesome and considering the current windows in this house are the originals built in in 1976, they looked pretty durn good. We were really set to buy them. UNTIL he gave us a quote. !!!OH MY GOSH!!! Granted, we have 19 windows in this house, most of which would have to be custom-made because they are freaking HUGE, BUT

$13,000 for WINDOWS??????

Momma said not only no, but hell no.

But for listening to his schpiel for 2 1/2 hours we got $100. Cash, baby.

Guess who's getting her new tattoo tomorrow night???

The Diva has spoken at 11:11 PM CDT
Typing fast
Mood:  rushed
Now Playing: a Huggies commercial
I'm typing fast for two reasons today. One, the baby that I am now babysitting is into EVERYTHING! Were my kids at this stage so long ago that I had already forgotten how quickly the little buggers can turn the TV off or turn the volume up to 47 in 1.3 seconds? And how they must touch EVERYTHING, including every clean piece of silverware in the dishwasher with their slobbery little hands? And how if it were my kid I'd swat his chubby little hand a few times and it'd be done, but noooooo I can't swat him 'cuz he ain't mine and dadgummit if it isn't frustrating to find an alternative, kinder, gentler method of disciplining an 18 month old??????????????? OH MY GOSH...I seriously digressed on that one, eh?

The second reason I'm typing fast is THE LIZARD IS STILL IN MY BEDROOM!!! I ran across the little bugger (everyone's a bugger today, including the house reptile, geez) yesterday when I was cleaning. I picked up one of husband's hats off the floor and there he went, quick as an icky brown flash, over to hide under the quilt rack. I screamed. I mean, what other reaction would I have? I called my mom's office for some advice, because moms have the best advice, even if they are more scared of lizards than you are. The Wise One wasn't in, but her boss was and she's a true country girl. I said, "Nikki! You're a country girl - how do you catch a lizard?" There was a pause (during which I'm sure she was biting her lip so as not to laugh) and then she said, "Uhhhh, with my hands?" Smartass. Everyone's a smartass. But she did look it up online for me (Since I was too afraid to come out here and look it up. I swore I could hear him growl from under the dresser.) and the best suggestion she found was sticky traps. But you have to put bugs on it for bait. Grrrrreat, my second favorite thing in the world -- right behind lizards -- bugs. (Mice are #3, btw.) *shudder* Of course, husband was no help last night. He said since I was so afraid of the lizard that I should be the one to put out the traps and bait them because he wasn't afraid of a little lizard so it's not his responsiblity. Jerk. Then every now and then he'd stomp his feet at me to make me jump. Or run a hand up the back of my leg to make me scream like the nancy-girl I am. Need I reiterate that he's a jerk?

My luck the human little bugger will get caught in the sticky traps for the reptilian little bugger.

Oh, this is newsworthy -
Took the bra up one entire notch this morning. Helped with the saggy cup issue tremendously. But more importantly I took the bra up one entire notch this morning!!!!!

The Diva has spoken at 10:18 AM CDT
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
My head's a-spinnin'
Mood:  incredulous
Now Playing: Some hilariously cute song about Mr Mom by, I think, LoneStar - so true!
Wow!! What a wild couple of days! As I mentioned, yesterday was Election Day around here and well, let me just say that I'm proud to be one of the First Nieces of our esteemed county! My uncle won with an overwhelming 69.77% of the votes cast. It was a pretty exciting night at the courthouse. I've got pictures and will get them on my Yahoo! photo album thingy tomorrow so you can peruse at your leisure. I'm sure you won't sleep tonight, you're so anticipating seeing them, right? Yeahhhhhhright. Humor me, k? I also have decided to take on two more kids to babysit. This opportunity came completely out of the blue and I wasn't completely prepared to make the decision, but it just seems so right that I can't help but think it is. These people are so flexible it's not even funny and when I said that currently I don't babysit on Fridays (That being my day "off" so I can go clean houses. No, I don't ever rest.) they didn't think that was an unusual request and agreed. Wow. I met them tonight, got to spend a little time with the kids and they seem like a great little family. It's going to make my days absolutely fly, I'm sure. When I did home daycare before I remember the days going by so fast and being so happily exhausted at day's end that it was a good thing. Of course, I didn't have 3 kids of my own then, so I may not be so happily exhausted as I used to be, but I think exhaustion will definitely come into play. This will give me 3 rent-a-kids and two rent-a-family members to throw into the mix of my own 3 rugrats! Life is so good. Noisy, but good. Sis told me tonight that she can already tell I've lost weight. Man, did that ever make me smile! I mean, you can see little things yourself, but to have someone else notice...well, that's just kicky. Sadly, the "little thing" I noticed today was the extra room in the cups of my durn bra. *sigh* WHY is it that when a woman loses weight the first place she loses it is in her BOOBS??? I have so much more fat on my ass that it only seems proper to lose it there first. Surplus and all, you know? This is just so unfair it makes me want to kick something. Agh, I've kind of gotten used to having voluptuous ta-tas and I'm not ready to let them go!!!!!!! Ha! "Not ready to let them go"...lol. Makes it sound like I can't keep my hands off of them or something. Geez, I'm sleepy. I better go before I start implying that I play with the aforementioned ta-tas all the time. ;)

The Diva has spoken at 10:34 PM CDT
Updated: Tuesday, August 31, 2004 3:26 PM CDT
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
G'mornin, mate
Mood:  accident prone
Now Playing: Milo and Otis on the living room TV
Well, they actually did it - Kane and Lita got hitched. Of course, they wrote their own vows (I mean, who doesn't these days?) and Lita's was especially touching when she said, "I hope you rot in hell." *tear* Howwwwwww romantic!

Well, today's election day here in our little neck of the woods. My uncle's in the run-off and the tension has mounted to volcanic proportions this week. As the announcer before a wrestling match says "LLLET'S GET REAAAADY TO RUMMMMMMMBLE!" It's been such a mud-slinging debacle (ooh I used the word debacle!) on the part of my uncle's opponent that he's done nothing more than make himself look bad. (I was going to say he made himself look like a dog turd, but then I thought, "Well, now that's just not nice now is it?") The campaign went rather smoothly until this last week when I think the opponent started feeling desperate. Whatever. It's really okay to be a graceful loser. Really.

Yesterday my aunt called me and asked if I could bring some of that wonderful "free cheese" that is so popular among us white trashers to the watch party tonight. Not that I'm saying my aunt's white trash, lol. Just saying that around here a 5 lb. brick of commodity cheese might possibly get your lawn mowed for a month, is worth at least 3 weekends of free babysitting, and in the right circles is worth a kidney, if you know what I mean. *big wink* Behold the power of (free) cheese.

*Blog disclaimer: I have never gotten my lawn mowed, partaken of free babysitting, nor have I ever traded a kidney for cheese.

The Diva has spoken at 8:39 AM CDT
Does this actually surprise anyone?
Mood:  quizzical
What internet acronym are you?! sti
What internet acronym are you?

brought to you by Quizilla

The Diva has spoken at 8:10 AM CDT
Updated: Tuesday, August 24, 2004 8:15 AM CDT
Monday, August 23, 2004
Typing fast
Mood:  rushed
Now Playing: a commercial
Ooh ooh ooh! I was just getting ready to type a big ol' post when Paul yelled in from the living room that the wedding between Kane and Lita is about to take place. I'm typing like wildfire real quick during this commercial so I don't miss a second of the blessed event. It's WWE night! I got to watch The Rock knock the hell out of some punk-ass wuss earlier and lemme tell ya, it just made my night. Methinks the Diva's gettin' lucky tonight. Nothing like a good 2 hours of sweaty, angry men to get a girl in the mood!


The Diva has spoken at 9:49 PM CDT
Monday morning chatting
Mood:  loud
redneck_diva73: did i tell you that the guy sis works with now is friends with larry the cable guy
Stacie : really? heather's claim to fame? she works with a guy who knows larry the cable guy?
Stacie : if there was ever a funny man, he's that man
Stacie : your claim to fame? your sister works with a guy who knows larry the cable guy
Stacie : LOL
redneck_diva73: kind of like my claim to fame is that my sister once went on a date with Joe Don Rooney from Rascal Flatts
Stacie : my claim to fame? my friends sister works with a guy who knows larry the cable guy
redneck_diva73: but yeah, and he said ROFLMAO....oh THAT one was funny
redneck_diva73: totally interrupted a sentence to laugh at that one
Stacie : lol
redneck_diva73: anyway, she said that brian says (oh my gosh it's just too funny) Dan (aka Larry ) is just as common in real life as he seems on the show. real dry sense of humor, and frickin hilarious.
redneck_diva73: and he's going to call me on my birthday!
redneck_diva73: so then i'll actually have a bigger claim to fame and that would be that Larry the Cable Guy called me!
Stacie : OMG! You have got to get a tap on that phone line so you can record the ENTIRE conversation!
redneck_diva73: I KNOW!
redneck_diva73: Or hell, i may just have eeryone over !
redneck_diva73: put 'im on speakerfreakinphone
Stacie : speaker phone time!
redneck_diva73: hella yeah
redneck_diva73: but what does one say to Larry the Cable Guy?
redneck_diva73: will i giggle like a 14 year old?
Stacie : i'm sure you will
Stacie : lol
redneck_diva73: will i feel compelled to belch loudly just to make myself look even more redneck?
Stacie : really, what does one say to larry the cable guy
redneck_diva73: will i just stand there frozen and go "uh huh" to everything he says?
redneck_diva73: that's what i'm sayin!
Stacie : "hey, check it out! i can belch the alphabet!"
Stacie : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Stacie : BBBBBBBBBBBBBB
Stacie : CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
Stacie : DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Stacie : EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Stacie : lol
redneck_diva73: ROFLMAO
redneck_diva73: oh i am SO going to paste our conversation into my blog. if that's okay with you....it's just too good to not share

The Diva has spoken at 11:17 AM CDT
Sunday, August 22, 2004
Finally!
Mood:  surprised
Well, I finally got a picture on here, even if it isn't in an actual post. It's a pic of me and it's in my profile. Beware, though - it's HUGE! Obviously I need to knock the size down a tad, but it's late and I have to get up early and well, frankly, I just don't feel like screwing with it anymore.

The Diva has spoken at 10:23 PM CDT
A quiz, a quiz! My kingdom for a quiz!
Mood:  sharp
So anyone who's been on the 'net for any length of time has gotten one of these quizzes/surveys. If you haven't...well, do you even get any email at all? Do you have friends? I, personally, love them. It's a narcissistic thing, I guess, but I love talking about myself and sharing with others about how neurotic and ultimately cool I am. I also get a huge kick out of reading about everyone elses little quirks and habits. *shrugs* I'm easily amused, what can I say?

Here's a quiz, which I've already taken the liberty of filling out for myself. I'd just be tickled 47 ways pink if you'd oblige and comment with your answers! (Do you feel like you're revisiting junior high again? Yep, I think I hear Wham! or the Culture Club playing softly in the background...)

1. Full name: (This is the 'net folks, and I don't know whether you're a certifiable stalker and you don't know that I'm not one either, therefore I'm leaving off the last name. You should as well.) Kristin Dawn

2. Number of candles on your last birthday cake: 31 and there will never be any more than that.

3. What kind of car do you drive? A dark blue/green 1998 Chevy Astro van. I LOVE my van even if it does scream "Soccer Mom".

4. Chocolate or vanilla? In my opinion, there is never a time when vanilla is better than chocolate.

5. Favorite movie(s): Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink, Penny Serenade (ah, Cary Grant *sigh*), 10 Things I Hate About You, Steel Magnolias, Much Ado About Nothing (the one with Denzel, Keanu and Emma - it rocks)

6. Ever been so in love you've cried? Oh goodness...if you haven't you're not human.

7. Favorite fast food restaurant: Sonic

8. Favorite non-fast food restaurant: IHOP or Jim Bob's steak and ribs

9. What's under your bed right now? The extra slat to the vertical blinds, a couple of rubbermaid boxes full of stuff from when I was a kid, a pacifier that Kady doesn't know about and I'm not going to tell her and TONS of dust.

10. Favorite drink: Coffee, especially mocha lattes chased by 2 chocolate covered coffee beans. That'll get ya goin' for sure.

11. If you could build a house anywhere, where would it be? I'd build some obnoxiously enormous house way out in the freakin' woods, separated from society for the most part, but still within an hour's drive from a WalMart.

12. Last CD you bought: Trace Adkins - Comin' on Strong

13. What makes you really angry? People who condescend and have absolutely no right in doing it. And being in a situation I can't have some control of. I get so frustrated when I'm helpless.

14. Do you have any tattoos? If yes, what and where? I have a ladybug over my left breast, Tinkerbell on my back and a yellow rose on my left foot. My next one will hopefully be making its appearance in the next month or two.

15. What's your favorite children's book? The Kissing Hand and anything by Max Lucado.

There...that oughta keep you busy awhile!


The Diva has spoken at 11:53 AM CDT
Updated: Sunday, August 22, 2004 8:40 PM CDT
Stayin' alive...sort of
Mood:  silly
I look like I've been on a 4-day bender or something. My eyes look awful! They've looked this way since Friday, so I guess I should just get used to it. Most people have allergy problems in the spring when things start blooming and such. Oh no, not my family and me. We get sick as dogs in the fall. (How sick do dogs get anyway?) All 3 kids are much worse in the fall and have been this way since they were infants. This will be our first fall/winter without tonsils and with tubes in Abby and Sam's ear, so I'm hoping we have NO ear infections. We better not anyway. But I have a feeling we're not going to experience an improvement in Miss Kady. She started doing that dry nighttime cough last night and woke up this morning all rattly. I would just about wager that by tonight she'll be wheezing and we'll have to break out the inhalers. Asthma sucks.

Abby asked me yesterday if I lived in the "olden days". I said, "Well, now that just depends on your idea of what 'olden' is." She pondered a moment and finally said, "Hmmm...like the 70's." WHA??? I pressed my lips together and through gritted teeth said, "WELL, for your information I was born in '73." She sat straight up and said, "COOL! So you know all about disco!?"

Speaking of old...Paul hurt his back yesterday at work. (snicker) He's hurt it at work before, but last time he failed to fill out an incident report. Thankfully his manager was standing right behind him when he did it this time. She filled one out, stating she witnessed what happened. He shouldn't have gone to work today and he's probably going to screw himself up pretty bad, but...ya know, he's 41 and I'm obviously not the boss of him. I suggested he just work the counter today, but he said that's boring. Well, hmm...I bet that recuperating after back surgery would get mighty boring as well. Grr...that man. Not sure why he keeps me around because it's sure as heck not for conversational purposes and not because he values my opinion. Must be the sex. Oh yeah, he doesn't get that from me either. Ha! Just kidding. (Okay, no I'm not.)

We watched Ron White's DVD last night. They call him Tater Salad , you know. Omg, it was hilarious. Bub and I were both nearly hystericaly at one point, both of us bent over,red-faced, trying to catch our breath. I highly recommend watching all four of the Blue Collar guys: Ron White, Larry the Cable Guy, Bill Engvall and Jeff Foxworthy on Blue Collar Comedy Tour . It's a great way to give your ribs a workout, cry off your makeup and wake up your family when you snort while you laugh. Yes, I've done that one while watching it, lol. We watched Larry the Cable Guy last weekend and I laughed just as hard at his stuff as I did last night at Ron White's. It's a toss up as to who's funnier, in my opinon. Then again, I'm just a simple redneck... A person with a little more sophistication might not find them near as entertaining.

*Strikes a disco pose as she hits the post button*

The Diva has spoken at 10:56 AM CDT
Friday, August 20, 2004
One of them days...
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Brad Paisley and Allison Krauss - Whiskey Lullaby
I should've known how the day was going to pan out when Sam woke me up this morning.

I've mentioned the trouble my eyes have been giving me, allergies and all, and they were really bad this morning. I could hardly see, they were so blurry and itchy. Well, he came in and woke me up with his famous stage-whisper and says, "Mom. Mom! Mom, wake up. I've got a tick on me!" Wha? I started rubbing my eyes trying to get them to focus, or at least attempt it at some point. No such luck. I could tell he was doing his best to not freak out and I was trying to clear my eyes up the best I could. Finally I said, "Just go back to the bathroom and I'll follow you", praying that either my eyesight would be restored in the walk to the other end of the house, or that he could pull the stupid tick off himself. Well, neither happened. I walked in the bathroom, blinded the rest of the way by the glaring light and shield them with my hands, blinking and rubbing with everything I had. I finally managed to open them somewhat and the first thing I see is my son with his underwear down around his knees, pinching his penis and wearing one of the weirdest expressions I've ever seen. If I hadn't known that he would just melt into tears if I laughed, trust me...I've have been in the floor rolling. Instead I bit my lip and tried to reassure him best I could. Penises are really not my expertise, having never owned one of my very own, ya know. At least with the girls I have some idea of the limits and boundaries, etc. Well, I managed to get the tick removed, even when Sam's grimaces, gasps and flinches tempted me to laugh once more, flushed the tick and the day continued...

This evening Paul managed to wander into a mess of ticks, himself. So what do I find myself doing at the end of the day? Well, fortunately it did not involve actually pulling a tick off of him, but I had to inspect him. Agh, that was a treat. Husband with jeans around knees, telling me he feels like there's one here and here and possibly here...I wasn't near as reassuring and compassionate as I was with Sam.

When I told him that Sam had had one on his penis this morning he did the typical Guy Brotherhood groan and crotch grab. You know it...you've seen 'em all do it and if you're male you've done it yourself. They place one hand, sometimes two, over the crotch area, almost imperceptibly bend the knees, knit their eyebrows together and do this almost Homer Simpson-ish "D'oh!" thing. I seriously wonder if they realize they do it. I think it is something that is etched on their DNA and has been there since some cave dude grunted out "Ugh, watch Crog milk great hairy mammoth". Minutes later he finds himself with a mammoth tusk sticking out of his groin and the entire male population of the tribe grabs at their collective crotches.

D'oh. Ugh.

The Diva has spoken at 10:53 PM CDT
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Be vewy vewy quiet...
The other day the kids were involved in a serious game of detective and Abby told me that they were "inspectigating". I was listening with a smile at their dialogue about the clues they had found and what in the world those clues were going to lead them to. All of the sudden I heard Abby exclaim, "OH MY GOSH!! It's a MAP!! A Map! We found a MAP!" Well, imagine how excited the other two got at her proclamation. Talk about some serious cheering. In the midst of all the excitement, Abby handed this map off to her little brother and said, "Here! You read it!" He obviously accepted the invitation, I mean who wouldn't, right? Then he got quiet and said, "Wait a minute - are we pretending?" Abby told him that, indeed, they were pretending. He sighed and with a sense of obvious relief said, "Oh good! 'Cuz I can't read."

The Diva has spoken at 8:42 PM CDT
Updated: Thursday, August 19, 2004 8:45 PM CDT
Bing, Bing, Dingka Dingka Dong (or something to that effect)
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: Rain and the kids giggling over something mischievous
The title is some jacked up words to some retarded song on LazyTown, NickJr's newest kid-captivating show. Actually I kind of like the show, even if the characters do give me the creeps. The whole gist of the show is about this super hero (Sportacus, lol) and this little girl who try to get the kids in LazyTown to stop playing video games and eating sweets and to get outside and play games. Whoo hoo. It motivated me so much I used up a stupid point on two really old, nasty-tasting Tootsie Roll Midgees. Just for some chocolate. Bleh.

I have accomplished nothing in the last two days. Whose fault is this? Bloggers, that's who. I have sat on my arse, in my pj's, (but only half the day) reading other people's blogs and occasionally reading a book to the kids because the guilt overwhelms me. Then when they're playing really good again, I'm back out here reading. They're napping, I'm reading. Laundry? Heck, no...who wants to do laundry when you can read about another Diva in another part of the US who just got new boobs? Who wants to mop the kitchen floor when you can read hilariously humorous job stories by your favorite bureaucrat? Dusting is so underwhelming when you've just read about this poor woman who's soon to be ex-husband tried to choke her one night because he found some emails...

Oh, someone please send an intervention my way!!!!!!!

I knew it was bad and I was really ashamed today when I was still in my pj's, fixing the kids lunch and the phone rang. It was Sam's teacher. His poor little mouth was hurting and he needed some Motrin. (The dentist adjusted his appliance yesterday and I sent a note to this morning saying it might end up hurting before the day was over.) So I had to actually get dressed to take medicine to my child at school. How awful is this???? Paul being on vacation this week has really thrown my schedule off-whack in the worst way. Next week is my early week for babysitting and I always get up at 5:30 on those days because she brings him at 6:15. That will help at least get me up and dressed...now as for the blogging... nothing is going to help except possibly shock therapy, a 12-step program and maybe the termination of my electricity.

The Diva has spoken at 3:48 PM CDT
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Cramps, cramps, and more cramps
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: More of the chirping and croaking and such
Ooooookay, obviously I'm going to have to have some help posting a FREAKING PICTURE on here. I've tried twice and both times I get the adorable little box with the cute x in it. Bullcrap. If it says my photo has been uploaded and all that should it NOT be on the stupid page?? Huh? Should it not??? Answer me THAT!

Started my period, can you tell?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr she says as she has the urge to kick something. Something cute and fuzzy. Or better yet, how about something in the husband department??? Ooh yeah, like that one better than kicking something cute and fuzzy any ol' day.

The Diva has spoken at 11:28 PM CDT

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