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The Ramblings of a Redneck Diva
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Nyquil is in da hay-ouse
Mood:  silly
Topic: Rambling much
Oh wow, this Nyquil is some serious good shit. No kidding. I feeling nothing. Not even my fingers touching the keyboard. Hope I don't write anything I wanna take back or something. Not sure I could find backspace if I tried.

I gave Ab one Nyquil around 6 this evening. That poor child was knocked on her skinny little rear! She stayed home from school today, barking like a harp seal, nose producing the most fluoroescent green snot I've ever seen and just in general looking pale and sick. She wanted to go, bless her heart, she tried. I asked her before she ever even got out of bed if she wanted to stay home and she said she'd try to go. I told her if she went and started feeling bad all she had to do was call. She got dressed and came up front to have me pull up her hair and I just couldn't stand the thought of sending her off to that germ-infested school where something quite possibly worse than she already has could take over. So I said, "Baby girl...do you wanna--?" and she nodded her head and said, "Yes. I'll go put my pajamas back on." Sam was more than a little peeved that she was staying home and he was not. Poor guy. He's been sick, too, but hasn't ever acted sick. He's been coughing up a storm, but it never once broke his stride or slowed him down. This evening he was snuggling me on the couch and I kissed his forehead. It was hot. I took his temp: It was 101. Geez, the kids was bouncing off the walls, you'd have never known he had one. Ab has run one all day, but nothing higher than 99.2, hardly enough to count, yet she looks like she's been run over. By 7:30 Ab was falling asleep virtually standing up. I gave her some hot chocolate to soothe her throat a little and sent her on to bed. She has a dr appointment at 9:30 in the morning and I'm just bettin' we end up with antibiotics over this one. Sinus infection, if I were a betting woman. The jury's out as to whether Sam goes to school tomorrow. Depends on the fever. No matter how he feels, if he's running a fever he doesn't go. And he's not going to be happy either, because tomorrow is the Senior/Faculty basketball game and that means no afternoon classes. Btw, Courtney, I did not see your name on the roster...

After all that jubilation this morning after the budget actually being in the black, I had a mean ol' hateful woman from Discover make me cry. Yeah. She was awful. Simply awful. If there is a contest for Collection Person Of The Month Who Reduced The Most Grown Women To Tears, she'll likely win. 'Cuz I'm sure I'm not the only one she talked hateful to today. Once you get started you kind of get on a roll, ya know. The really nice person called first, asking me to make a payment. Understandable, I did owe them one. When I told her what I could pay she said, "That's not good enough." I said, "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, but it's the best I can do." Her reply basically was that it didn't even cover the finance charges. Okay, I fully understand that, but lady, I ain't got it. So I said, "Ma'am, I am doing the best I can right now. I am more concerned at this time with feeding my children and keeping the electricity on. I'm sorry if you can't understand why I can only pay you $35 this month." She then offered to see if I qualified for a hardship payment plan. Great, sign me up, I've been enduring lots of financial hardship lately. But I think how they work things at Discover Card is that they test you to see if you can hold up under the verbal attacks of "The Supervisor" to see if you can be considered a true hardship case. I didn't hold up well once she started threatening to sue me for fraud. WTF? She said that by putting my phone bill and cable bill on my credit card and then not making a payment constituted as fraud and therefore, I was guilty as charged. I explained that it was never my intention to fraud anyone, I was just doing the best I could. (See a pattern here with my pleading? Guess my best isn't good enough for them, eh.) So after about 5 times of her raising her voice at me, telling me I LIED to the kind and benevolent folks at Discover Card, that I was going to get sued I HAD HAD IT. I told her that I was offering to make a payment, plain and simple. No, it wasn't near what she wanted me to offer, but then you get into that whole blood from a turnip analogy and I didn't think she'd appreciate it right then. I also told her I didn't appreciate her copping an attitude with me, that I was trying to be courteous and respectful and I only wanted that in return, and she then told me that WASN'T copping an ATTITUDE with me and how DARE I insinuate she WAS. Again, she threw out the whole suing and the frauding and I said, "You know what, do what you have to do." She said, "Have a nice day!" and hung up. I was literally shaking so hard and my heart was beatin so fast that I thought I was going to pass out. I was ANGRY. I realize she is doing her job, but belittling someone and essentially scaring them and threatening them isn't a job I'd want to have. I couldn't sleep at night, knowing that I had bullied someone into making a payment they simply didn't have. I guess this is why I'm a stay at home mom. I don't have the balls to confront people and bully them. I'm quite happy being ball-less, if that's the kind of person I have to be if I have 'em.

So I called my daddy, bawling my head off, asking him if they really could sue me and if they were going to send Guido to my house to teach me a lesson or something. He rationally explained to me that, okay I've made some mistakes. He told me that I'm fixing it and I'm doing the best I can (Dad thinks my best is good enough!) and that's what matters. He said to send them that $35 and to not worry about any further bullying. I can always be the first to hang up next time. He told me that if they gripe about the payment next time to say "Either you take my $35 payment and get a little at time. Or you can just talk to my bankruptcy lawyer. I bet you don't get as much then." Heehee...Dad has such a way with words. He also gave me a free listing in a farm magazine in the want-ads that he wasn't going to use, so we can list the truck. Man, thanks Dad. It has a huge circulation. He also brought over his step-son in law who has a friend who might be interested in the boat. They took pictures and were sending them to him tonight. I sat down awhile ago and made up flyers to hang up on bulletin boards all over town advertising the truck for sale.

I'm tired of being reactive - I want to be proactive from now on. That's a pretty big step for me, considering how nonconfrontational I am, but I'm trying. Doing my best, eh. Recurring theme tonight it seems. So now the ball is rolling. Our plan to be debt free is in motion and if things go the way I have them written out on paper we will be completely debt free within 9 months. No kidding.

The Lord has just blessed my socks off today. Even if the mean Discover Card lady made me cry. Tomorrow, if the MasterCard people call, I'm not going to cry. I'll stand my ground. Yeah. I just hope they don't call before the Nyquil wears off. I'm slurring my words right now and sound a wee bit drunk, I'm afraid. They might not take too kindly to a $35 payment if I sound like I just went on a beer run.

Man, Nyquil is good.

The Diva has spoken at 10:13 PM CST
Heavenly swats
Topic: Rambling much
I just realized something.

My last post had the word "fucking" twice, "shit" three times and I mentioned God's infinite wisdom as well.

Oops I just did it again. Dammit.

I am so gonna get a spanking for that when I get to heaven.


The Diva has spoken at 11:49 AM CST
The banging of the head will now officially stop
Mood:  surprised
Topic: It's a good thing
Awhile back I said,

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT, we are $672 in the hole every month!!!"

Remember that?

Well, we aren't after all!!

There is much jubilation going on here at Diva Central this morning. I haven't even told Mr. Diva yet, but I'm sure he'll be happy, to say the least. I have called my sister and bless her heart, I'm glad she's well again. I've missed her. She's happy for me, too, btw.

Okay, so here's what I did. It's really embarrassing, but I'm going to declare it here on my blog regardless. This financial management/debt reduction course we are taking (http://daveramsey.com/) has a workbook that you figure out your income, debt, expenses, etc. It's considerably eye-opening to say the least. Okay, so the worksheet where you figure your income, well...on Paul's income I took the total of one paycheck and instead of multiplying it by 2, I divided. Yeah. Pretty stupid, eh? So it had us living on less than $300 a paycheck, less than $600 a month. And what's worse is:

I DIDN'T CATCH IT.

Aye carumba.

I have wallowed in misery and self-pity for 20 days, nearly 3 weeks, honestly considering declaring bankruptcy just to make it all go away. I did not see a way out. Neither did Paul. But I was bound and determined to do my best, so this morning I sat down here at my computer and wrote up the pro rata letters you send to your creditors that basically says, "I realize I owe you a shitload of money, but we've fallen on hard times, we have three children and I can't find a job because even Wal-Mart won't hire me." Then you ask them for a moratorium on your payments for 30, 60, 90, or 120 days and ask them to drop your interest during this time, if possible, then ask them nicely at the end to have patience with you and sign it sincerely. I did this to our two largest creditors. I felt like I had accomplished much and with a warm glow in my heart, I decided to type up a new cash flow plan of my own, leaving out the things that we simply cannot pay out at this time, even though Dave Ramsey says we should. Things like car repair, savings, and fun things like eating out. It made it less overwhelming to see a spreadsheet with only the things we pay out, not a bunch of blanks staring me down. That done, I went on to find out the payoff on our personal loan, total the amounts of all the credit cards and then figure up about what we'll get when we sell the truck and boat, plus our income tax refund. It left a mere $995 for us to handle on our own. So THEN, that all being done, I made out another sheet with both of our incomes totalled up. Woah. That sheet said we brought in more than the last one did, the one I figured up in the workbook. I refigured. I refigured again. I rubbed my eyes, prayed that I wasn't screwing up something, refigured and came to the conclusion that we actually have $256.50 a month EXTRA.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT, we have $256.50 a month EXTRA!!!

So now, I am going to be able to figure up new monthly payments to the credit cards, albeit smaller than they would like to see, I'm sure. But they are payments nonetheless. We are not in the hole, people. I cried. Literally cried. I sat there on the phone with my sister, bawling into her ear. Got the phone all wet, too.

After I quit crying, I said, "Ya know, God's pretty smart." There was silence on the other end of the line and finally Sis said, "Uh....duh." I said, "No really! I mean, here I've been all desperate and panicky, trying to find a job and no one would hire me and my self esteem was injured and I was wondering just why in the world no one wanted me. God had His hand in the middle of it all! He wasn't allowing me to find a job because I don't NEED a job!" And Sis' reply was, "Nope. You just need to take a basic math class." Gosh, I love her. She's pretty wise for a little sister.

Oh, and I just looked outside...




the sun is shining.

The Diva has spoken at 11:37 AM CST
Updated: Thursday, February 24, 2005 11:44 AM CST
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Sing me a song
Mood:  lyrical
Topic: Rambling much
I have always needed music in order to basically live and thrive. My parents both have beautiful singing voices and some of my earliest memories are of my mom's soprano, that she never gives herself enough credit for, and my dad's deep resounding bass. In fact, when Sis and I were little our family attended a little - I mean teeny tiny - country church. We sang our first "specials" there. Okay, so it was Sunday School choruses about being redeemed and how ev'rybody oughta know and I'm not even sure I knew what redeemed meant at the time I was singing it at the top of my lungs on the alter step, but I sang it anyway. 'Cuz I was cute. *wink* When I was in junior high, Dad took a songleader position at a slightly larger, but still relatively small, church in Picher, OK, his hometown. There we started singing more sophisticated songs, my favorites being Amy Grant, which every 13 year old Baptist girl adored at the time. The four of us also sang quartets from time to time. Until my voice changed. I went from singing the super high ultra soprano part to borderline bass with my father. Kind of threw off our four parts a bit.

To this day I still lean more toward alto, but if the humidity and barometric pressure is just so, if I haven't smoked in awhile and no one makes me laugh, I can belt out a low soprano like there's no tomorrow. I have no range. None. It's just sad really. If I want to sing something it pretty much has to be in one octave and that's it. So much for the National Anthem.

Why am I telling you this?

For God's sake, I don't know.

If you stumbled across this blog by way of Blog Explosion, please take the time to scroll down a bit to some earlier posts and find something a little more humorous and I dunno, meaty. Meaty? WHO has taken over my body and is making me type such crap?

I need sleep.
I smell like spit-up again.
My sinuses feel like they are stuffed full of Elmer's Glue laden cotton balls right now.
DayQuil is some pretty good shit.
I bet NyQuil is better, but I don't have any.
I pray to God above that my youngest does not have "bad dweams" tonight or wake me up to tell me she has "yucky sounds", which means her asthma is making her feel like she has a 200 pound harp seal sitting on her chest.
I hope the sun shines tomorrow. I don't think I can take another day of clouds and rain. Really.
I
don't
think
I
can

The Diva has spoken at 10:14 PM CST
Gloom, doom, spit-up and toilet paper
Mood:  down
Topic: Rambling much
It never fails. It rains on Paul's days off every stinkin' week. And his days off aren't the same every week. It's like God looks at His great big meteorological calendar in the sky and says, "Ooh, looks like Paul's off on Tuesday and Wednesday this week - check, showers." All this does is PISS him off royally. Paul, not God. For two days now he has moped around the house and grumbled at me, yelled at the kids, and slept. Paul, not God.

I walked through the living room awhile ago and he was sound asleep, kicked back in the recliner. I just now walked through again and he was still kicked back, but awake and sulled up. "Stupidfuckingrain," was what I think came out of his half-closed mouth. We are nearly out of wood and he can't get out there to cut any. Okay, rephrasing, he won't get out there and cut in the rain. Wuss. If your family needs wood cut, you cut it. Rain, snow, sleet, or hail. Okay, maybe not hail because that's dangerous. Besides hailstorms don't usually last that long anyway - you could get a cup of coffee while you waited for it to pass. Anyway. We have decided to sell the boat and it needs to be cleaned out so we can take it down to Sis' house (she lives on a high-traffic street) but he won't go out to the barn to do that. It's cold, he says. Well, duh, it's February ya dork. It's in the barn, for cryin' out loud. But no; he, instead of doing anything halfway constructive, opts to sit in the house with me and go between cussing me like a cur dog and molesting me every time I walk by. This must be what it's like to live with bi-polarity. He is driving me fucking insane.

*********************************

This morning Jill asked me if we had been talking about names during the day. I said, "Uhhh...no, I don't think so. Why?" She laughed and said, "Oh, last night Chandler walked in the room and said, 'My babysitter's name is Kwistin. Kwistin Hoovah.' And walked back out." I said, "Oh yeah...he introduced me to several people at the grocery store yesterday, too." I don't know where he gets it. He also introduced himself AND Kady AND the baby to anyone who would listen. Jill also asked me what kind of toilet paper I use. I said, "Scott. Why?" "Well, last night he sang to me, word for word, the Charmin song from the commercial. Do you think maybe he watches too much TV?" Nah, he's just a little sponge, that's all. I shrugged and said, "I doubt he's watching to much TV. Kids will pick up anything catchy and repeat it ad nauseum. But I haven't taught it to him, sorry."

Just a little while ago I was folding laundry and caught myself singing,
"When we say less is more, less is more. More absorbent than the regular rippled brand for sure. What you used to love now you're gonna adore. Charmin Ultra - less is more. Cha-cha-cha! Charmin!" Nope, I have no clue where he learned it.

*******************************

Cute baby is here again. Day #3. He's simply devourable. My sister just called and said she feels well enough that she can watch him the rest of the week. Damn her and her getting all well and stuff. Although, last night when I took off my shirt before bed, as I lifted my shirt over my head I caught a whiff of spit-up and thought, "Man, that's a smell I thought I was over and done with."

********************************

I feel the need to do a blog round-up today for some reason.
**I'm especially enamored with CrazyMom at Here Comes Life. Bless her heart, she has the flu AND a sinus infection right now and is living the life hopped up on Vicodin and Marlboros. We can't all live the dream, but she's trying.
**I finally jumped on the bandwagon and started reading Defective Yeti even though he competed with my beloved Heather B. Armstrong over at Dooce during the Blog Awards. His little Squirrelly is a year old now and his take on life, work and parenting is particularly charming.
**My friend from high school, Magnet Lady has started blogging and my gosh, if I thought she was hilarious in real life, she's dangerous on her blog. She had THE BEST bangs on high school and still continues to have my jealously when it comes to hair. She's also a pretty durn good camping partner. Ask her about it. G'head, she'd love to tell the story.
**File Girl, another Napoleon Dynamite fan, showed us the other day her skillz at paper folding. Boyfriends want girlfriends with skillz, I hear.
**I can't do a herding of the blogs without mentioning Cousin Courtney!! She can eat a pound of Candy House chocolates, works at The Big Fancy Casino, recently wrote about the perils of chin hairs and you simply must check her out. Just last night while standing in my kitchen, we discussed how to get people to comment on our blogs, while I peddled and she paid for Girl Scout cookies. (HINT HINT NUDGE NUDGE)

*****************************

I just now bent over to pick the baby up out of the floor. The back of my sweatshirt raised up just enough to expose the small of my back. My dipshit of a husband, who had just come in from the nearly depleted woodpile, thought it would be mighty funny to place his cold-ass hands directly on the exposed skin. Thank God I have reflexes like fucking Superman or I'd be making a call to Cute Baby's mom trying to explain exactly how her son acquired a bruise the size of Texas on his wee little bald head.

He goes back to work tomorrow if I don't kill him first. Paul, not Cute Baby.

****************************

I just asked Chandler to sing the Charmin song for me. Oh my gosh it's cute. Kady knew all the words, too. What am I doing to these children? I've been singing "If I was a rich girl, na na na na na na nahhhhhhhh..." for the last two days. I can't wait till he goes home to sing THAT one for his daddy. We're already trying to reprogram him into saying that he's a prince instead of a princess like Kady.

****************************

"Jingle Bells, Batman smells allllllll the way!" is how Kady sings Jingle Bells now. So much for dashing through the snow and all that nonsense. We just sing about toilet paper, rich girls and super heros with hygiene issues. Yep, bring your kids to Kiki The Most Wonderful Babysitter in the Universe. I'll teach 'em up right.

The Diva has spoken at 10:16 AM CST
Updated: Wednesday, February 23, 2005 10:21 AM CST
Monday, February 21, 2005
This baby is so CUTE!
Mood:  bright
Topic: Kids & other noisy things
As I mentioned before, my sister has the flu. Mom, her husband and I have all threatened her into actually allowing herself to recuperate properly and not overdoing it. So that being said, I am her backup for the baby she babysits. I have been around this kid numerous times and man he is a cutie-pie, but he's always been obviously enamored with my sister, who affectionately refers to herself around him as "The Lady". (Immediately throws me into a poor Jerry Lewis impersonation, too.) Well, he loves The Lady with everything in his chubby little body and when she is around there is no one else in my little scope of vision.

Well, today I'm the one he's lookin' all google-eyed at.

Oh
My
GOSH
this kid is cute.

He was just sitting there in his carseat while I was working on a picture post for a friend's blog. He was being so good, kind of drooling and gurgling and bein' all baby cute and stuff. I'd look over every now and then and he'd immediately do this grin-then-turn-away-like-he-was-embarrassed-to be-caught-staring-at-the-cute-girl thing. My gosh, instantly I was reduced to a goofily grinning baby-talking adult who couldn't resist getting down on my knees and simply devouring his pudgy little baby toes!

Is this how I behaved when my children were babies? Is THIS why I had very few friends and the ones I had were jibberish-talking oatmeal heads with spit-up stains on their left shoulders as well? Did I really talk incessantly to Wal-Mart checkers and the guy pumping my gas (because I was terrified to leave the kids in the car long enough to go in the QT and pay)? Is this why my husband dreaded coming home from work because invariably he would walk in the door from work and would be sideswiped outta nowhere by his conversation-starved young wife who would smother him in kisses, hand off the baby and then begin a rundown of the day's events, INCLUDING how many wet and poopy diapers were encountered, how many burp rags he or she soaked, any new teeth that had sprouted and/or hadn't but had yet caused uncontrollable screeching on parent and child's part and only occasionally while talking 900 mph lapsing into baby talk? Is this how I spent 6 years of my life?

Yep. I guess I did.

Wow, that was good times.


The Diva has spoken at 11:26 AM CST
Updated: Monday, February 21, 2005 11:31 AM CST
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Sleep is good
Mood:  lazy
Topic: Rambling much
I just woke up from another 2 hour nap today. Yesterday and the day before I did the same stinkin' thing. I normally do not even entertain the thought of a nap because I tend to lean toward insomnia and naps exacerbate this problem. (Ooh, big word) But lately I have been taking naps AND sleeping at night. I guess obviously I am needing this sleep. Lately if I sit down, I fall asleep. It's not that I am having a hard time functioning or feeling particularly lethargic while I'm up and moving because I actually feel pretty good, but don't let my ass hit the chair because it's alllll over then.


Hmh.

I guess I shouldn't question this blessing of sleep I've been given, eh? I have gone sleepless for so long that maybe this is a gift from God for my diligence and perseverence. I am the woman who thrives on lack of sleep and I'm okay with that. I'm not sure I like the thought of actually requiring sleep now. I better stop this. This might be a sign I'm getting old. *gasp*

The Diva has spoken at 3:45 PM CST
Saturday, February 19, 2005
GET to know me!
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: About me
You will just have to forgive my penchant for these quizzes and questionaires that float about aimlessly on the 'net. I'm a sucker for them. I can't help it. :)

1. Your name spelled backwards:
Revooh Nitsirk. When I was in 6th grade or so a friend of mine got on this kick where we ONLY called each other Nitsirk and Eimaj. 12 year olds are so weird.

2. Where were your parents born?
Miami, OK

3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
A Spyware detector from SBC

4. What's your favorite restaurant?
Applebee's

5. Last time you swam in a pool?
Ummm....summer before last. My sister has a pool and her ladder tried to kill me. Twice. I have the scars to prove it.

6. Have you ever been in a school play?
I was in the band in the HS production of Funky Winkerbean's Band my sophomore year. I was some chick in curlers, Bertha Bumiller, in Greater Tunamy junior year and my senior year I'm sure we did one, too, but for the life of me I can't remember what it was!

7. How many kids do you want?
I already have three. I want one more.

8. Type of music do you dislike most?
Hmmm....twangy 70's country like Tammy Wynette and Merle Haggard. Agh, it makes my ears bleed.

9. Are you registered to vote?
Yep, Democrat

10. Do you have cable?
Satellite. But we only watch The Outdoor Channel. Bleh

11. Have you ever ridden on a moped? Ha, no.

12. Ever prank call anybody?
Oh my gosh, one summer DeLisa and I crank called ALL the time! Her great grandma's trailer was just sittin' there empty with a phone just begging to be used!

13. Ever get a parking ticket?
Nope

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? I used to have an insane desire to bungee jump, but have since developed a fear of heights. I'll stick to crashing up cars.

15. Farthest place you ever traveled?
Biloxi, MS

16. Do you have a garden?
HA!! That's funny. Only thing I can grow with any success is children.

17. What's your favorite comic strip?

Garfield

18. Do you really know all the words to the national anthem?
You betcha. I also still know all the words to our high school fight song AND all of the words to Oklahoma!

19. Bath or Shower, morning or night?
Shower, morning. Bath occasionally, but only if there are bubbles, a book and wine involved.

20. Best movie you've seen in the past month?
Napoleon Dynamite

21. Favorite pizza toppings?
Hamburger, green olive and mushroom. I craved this concoction when I was pregnant with Sam so much so that the Pizza Hut Express had to purchase green olives just for me because they never had them on hand.

22. Chips or popcorn?
Hmm....that's a toughie. I'd probably have to go with popcorn.

23. What color lipstick do you usually wear?
Usually Neutral liner with Mary Kay Intensity Controller. Or just liner with gloss. I hardly ever wear lip color anymore, but if I do it's Mary Kay Mocha Freeze

26. Orange Juice or apple?
I cannot STAND the taste of apple juice. Hot apple cider is fine, but do not make me drink apple juice. Bleh. I love orange juice, though. Especially with vodka in it. heehee

27. Favorite type of chocolate bar?
Whatchamacallit. The only place in town that carries them anymore is the Dollar Tree and sometimes Pumpin' Pete's.

28 When was the last time you voted at the polls?
November, 2004

29. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
Mmmmm...last summer. My mother in law brought me some from a farmer's market stand. Yummy. Paul would gripe because I'd stand at the sink with a whole tomato and a salt shaker, eatin' them things like an apple, squirtin' juice and seeds everywhere.

30. Have you ever won a trophy?
Yeah, I got one in speech, my junior year. Normally they gave out medals, but this one school gave out trophies for some weird reason. I think I threw it away.

31. Are you a good cook?
Martha Fucking Stewart, people

32. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
Good grief, who doesn't? There is a full service station in town that I used a lot more when the kids were little and I was paranoid about leaving them in the car to pay, because even though the doors were locked I just knew someone was going to bust out a window and steal my babies. But now, the damn Wal-Mart has me by the balls with their .03 discount if you use their shopping cards to buy gas. Damn them.

33. Ever order an item from an infomercial?
Once. It was winter, we had two small children, cable and cabin fever. I just HAD to have those T-fal pans! I was so excited when Paul finally said yes that I nearly wet my pants dialing the phone.

34. Sprite or 7-up?
Bleh. Sprite is what Mom always made us drink when we were sick and to this day I can't stomach the stuff.

35. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
When I worked as a Pharmacy Tech I wore a lab coat and scrubs. That's the closest I've ever come to a uniform. Unless you count sweats as a uniform, because if that's the case, yep I've been wearing a uniform to work in for the last 10 years.

36. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
Antibiotics for Ab before a dental appointment, WHICH we never have to do again! Yay!

37. Ever throw up in public?
I don't think so.

38. Would you prefer being a millionaire or to find true love?
Damn, making me choose between the two best things ever. I guess I'd have to go with the true love thing. Geez.

39. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Nah. Hell, I don't believe in love. Ha!

40. Ever call a 1-900 number?
No. Omg, no.

41. Can exes be friends?
My parents are prime examples that no, exes cannot be friends. They can tolerate each other, but friends they cannot be.

42. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
Hmh, when Makensie went into labor we went up to the hospital when we left the casino at 1am, but we didn't get to see her, just her family.

43. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby?
Tons of black hair. Looked like a little indian papoose.

44. What message is on your answering machine?
"Hi, you've reached the Hoovers. We're not in right now. Actually, chances are, we're scrambling to find the phone. So give us a minute, see if we pick up. If we answer, great. If not, leave us a message."

45. What is in your backpack?
A backpack?? For cryin out loud. The more of these quizzes I take, I realize I am gettin' damn old. Now, if you wanna talk what's in my purse... Wallet, checkbook, Girl Scout pocket planner, lipstick case, tape measure, two things of antibacterial hand sanitizer stuff, antibacterial hand lotion, emery board, mini photo album, the artwork for my next tattoo so that if I find a $100 bill on the ground I can go directly to the tattoo artist and have it done, two combs, paint samples, a rock Sam gave me the other day after school, antibacterial hand wipes (am I a germ phobe or what?), small bottle full of Imodium, Benadryl, Tylenol and Motrin, one ponytail holder, another emery board....yeah, I think that's about it.

46. Favorite thing to do before bedtime?
Have an orgasm. That's my favorite thing to do ANY time! Though the question would get longer answers if it asked for your before bedtime routine, wherein I would answer: fall asleep on couch half way through the local weather, wake up after the weather is over and ask husband what the weather man said, take off makeup, wash face, pee, take off socks, get in bed.

47. What is one thing you are grateful for today?
Those three kids of mine. I can't just pick one of 'em, silly.

48. What is the first concert you ever went to?
Garth Brooks. Man, that was awesome. Except for the fact that I was in the midst of my first hangover. But it was still awesome that I got to see him before he got too famous.


The Diva has spoken at 10:32 PM CST
Updated: Saturday, February 19, 2005 10:38 PM CST
Funny how life does that
Mood:  special
Topic: Rambling much
Last night was the memorial service for Red, who passed away this week. They had it at his bar, which was the most appropriate place to have had such a celebration. His Marcia wasn't sure it was the best place at first, but Mom assured her that it was perfect. And it was. Helived for that place and was so proud of it.

Paul and I arrived late and when we walked in we could hear Angie, the DJ, on the microphone. She was crying and laughing and telling stories. My heart was breaking for her because when we heard the news of Red's death she told my mom "I don't know how to do this. I've never lost anyone I loved before." Bless her heart, she did an amazing job. Several people stood up to tell stories on Red, from small town friends, dance club friends, family, employees and patrons. One thing is for sure, he was loved. I wanted so badly to tell the story of Red's matchmaking endeavors, but couldn't find the fortitude to stand up there and do it.

When everyone who was going to talk had talked, Angie announced that there would be one last dance at R&B Country. Paul, even though we met dancing, isn't much of a dancer anymore. I stood up because I wanted to dance that last dance. He said no. I wasn't going to let it rest at that - I'd have danced with my mother rather than miss that. But he relented and finally led me onto the dance floor and took me in his arms.

How many dances we've danced on that huge wooden floor is unknown to me, but it's been a lot. We were there the weekend he opened, we danced when my shift was over during my short stints as cocktail waitress, we danced around the enormous belly of my pregnancies, we danced while slightly inebriated more than once and we danced our last dance out there last night.

I don't think that anyone on that dance floor was able to keep the tears from falling during that dance. Angie played one of Red's favorite songs, "I'm Already There" by Lonestar, and it just seemed so perfect. When the song was over, I left the strength and comfort of my husband's arms and made a beeline for my mother who was crying as hard as I was. We held each other as the lights came back up. We heard Angie's voice come on the mic as she called "Last call for alcohol" with a tear-choked voice. And when she said for the last time, her trademark words for the end of the night, "Time to go home ya'll. Time to go and lay naked on your own couch," that we knew it was really over and done. R&B Country was closed. Red is gone. It's the end of an era.

I saw Red's son, Brian, after the song was over. Paul and I took the time to look at some pictures they had put up of Red, Marcia, the employees, the club itself. And when we started to walk across the dance floor I saw him. I knew I had to talk to him, even if he didn't recognize me and I had to introduce myself. But no...he caught my eye about halfway across the floor and a sort of half smile broke onto his mouth. I got close to him and he held out his hand and said, "My God, you haven't changed a bit." I cried as he hugged me so tight I thought my ribs would crack. We talked awhile, he introduced me to his oldest son (who is 14 - are we really old enough to have teenagers?? Egad!) and then the conversation became interrupted by other former and present Wyandotte residents who wanted to talk to him. When we finally got a chance to talk again he told his son that I was his first girlfriend, which I'm sure his son thought was hilarious because we all know 14 year olds can't imagine their parents being silly and goofy as children. Paul and I wandered around and talked to a few more folks we knew, hugged Angie and Mom again and decided to leave.

My husband is not a publicly expressive man, not overly affectionate and not known for his ability to comfort. But he's mine nonetheless. As we stepped through the doors to leave the building I kind of slipped myself under his arm and he held me close, patting me on the arm. Then, in the cold of the night, the rocky unevenness of the parking lot and my sheer clumsiness, we kind of stumbled and staggered a bit. He laughed and said, "How many times have we staggered across this parking lot together, Kristin?" I giggled and said, "I think it was me staggering and you holding me up." He squeezed my arm again and said,

"All thanks to Red."

The Diva has spoken at 5:42 PM CST
Friday, February 18, 2005
Mommy-dom
Mood:  special
Topic: Mommy Moment
I have had two really good days in a row. Considering that during the weekend and the first of the week I cried virtually nonstop, this is saying something.

Yesterday afternoon I almost kind of lost it when the reality that
*I had to drive to town to pick up our one town Brownie,
*I had to be back in 20 minutes (it's a 20 minute drive just TO town) because they've started running the bus route backwards in the evening and I had not just 2, but 4 kids getting off the bus 20 minutes earlier than usual,
*I needed to pick up GS cookies, but there was no way in hell THAT was going to happen till later,
*I couldn't get hold of one Brownie mom, which meant that she would be at my house shortly, regardless of the fact that I cancelled the meeting, albeit last minute.

AND THERE WAS NO WAY I COULD DO IT ALL BY MYSELF!

Normally on Brownie nights, my sister picks up some of the slack, but she has the flu. Real, true and 100% influenza. She is one sick sister.

SO I cancelled Brownies, yeah, we went over that. I had my Kady, Chandler and my nephew, Gentry (because Sis was so sick she couldn't even get out of bed to feed him, bless her heart!) and when the bus ran that added my Abby and Sam, plus my niece, Addison and Ab's friend, McKenzie. THEN Magnet Lady came over (she was the Brownie mom I couldn't reach) with her daughter. And THEN I had kinda, in the chaos of it all, forgotten that I had called my sister in law to see if her niece, Cheyenne, could spend the night. They hit right after Magnet Lady did. If you weren't keeping a running total, that adds up to 9 children. Yeah....9.

But here's the weird part. It was awesome.

My house was full of children! Ever since I can remember, I've dreamed of having children all over the place - either my own or other's coming to visit my own. While the herd of children played - and played well, I must add - Magnet Lady, McKenzie's mom, my sister in law and I all visited. We talked over Valentine's Day (the group was split as to whether the holiday sucked or didn't. Guess how Magnet Lady and I voted.) we talked about life in general, husbands in general, and it was WONDERFUL. The house was noisy, the kids were rambunctious, but they weren't killing each other, no one was bleeding, furniture was still intact and I was in my own little version of heaven.

My sister in law had to go finally. McKenzie and her mom had to go and so did Magnet Lady and Little Miss Magnet, my brother in law picked up my niece and nephew, Jill picked up Chandler and then suddenly, even with 4 children still here, my house was quiet.

But I couldn't relish in it quiet yet. There were still 500 some odd boxes of Girl Scout cookies in Miami waiting for me to pick them up. So I loaded up the kids and off we sped. They were waiting on us and I felt bad I'd made them wait. But the good part of that was, they were more than willing to help me load up because they were ready to GO. Okay, so when I see all of the cookies that were set aside just for my little Troop of 5 girls, I nearly had a cow. The back doors to my van do not open. I had 4 children in my van. I do not drive a freakin' semi, just an Astro. But hey, I am the Almighty Girl Scout Leader and somehow 41 cases of cookies fit in there. Granted, the children had their knees under their chins, boxes were stacked to the ceiling, I drove with my right arm outstretched to keep the leaning tower in my passenger seat from crashing down on my head, but by golly they fit. I prayed that we didn't have a wreck because we'd have never found the children in that mess.

So when we got home I unloaded enough boxes to get the three big kids out and they didn't even have to be told, they just started taking the boxes in the house. Yay kids! I did something RIGHT regarding your upbringing to this point! Once the van was unloaded we stacked the cookies according to variety and I sent the kids off to straighten up the toyroom. You can only imagine how it looked after 9 kids had been playing in it. While they cleaned, I made dinner and began re-heating chili for Paul. I felt like Martha fucking Stewart, I swear.

We let the kids stay up late and they thought they were the hippest kids around when I said it was okay that they watch ER. Abby exclaimed during a commercial break, "Dude! WHY haven't you told us about this show before??" I didn't divulge that normally during ER they are asleep and her father and I lie on the couch, cop feels and make out like teenagers. I kind of thought she didn't need to know that. I just shrugged and grinned instead.

This morning I made breakfast like a freakin' pro, flipping pancakes onto plates like a short-order cook, timing the bacon to come out of the oven at just the right time and man, I had my game on.

Sis got all kinds of froggy this morning and thought she was well enough to take her kids to town. She made it through the eye doctor appointment and then fell to pieces. I insisted that she bring the kids to me (actually I tried insisting that she let me take them to the eye doctor, but since Addison has vision issues she felt she should) and told her that if she kept refusing that I was going to tell Mom. She looked like hell when she dropped them off. I sent her home with Chloraseptic spray and orders to go straight to bed.

You'd think adding two kids to the mix would make things fall apart. Nope. Things only got better. Because since there was a boy here finally, Sam quit pestering the girls and everone settled down. Lunch was again, a miracle in itself. They ate without spilling or making too big of a mess and they got, what else, Girl Scout cookies for dessert. They all watched Finding Nemo awhile ago and when that was over I sent them outside. Not too long after they went outside, the neighbor dropped off his two girls until their mom gets off work. I think, if I counted correctly the last time they came through for drinks, there are 8 of them now. And life is good.


The Diva has spoken at 3:16 PM CST
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Movie Tag
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: About me
Little C - aka, Cousin Courtney - tagged me with this surprising little jewel this morning. You're right, Courtney, I was shocked!

What's the total number of movies in you collection?
Approxmately 170, give or take a few. Keep in mind that only about 25 of those are grownup movies. The rest are a variety of Disney, Blue Clue's, Little Bear and Veggie Tales. So do those count as actual movies? Hmm... maybe I'm confusing videos with actual movies. But I am not going to go through and check to see which ones are actual movies, sorry. :) I think I'm overcomplicating this, eh?

What's the last movie you watched before reading this message?
Napoleon Dynamite, GAW!

Name 5 movies that you watch often, or that mean something to you
1. Napoleon Dynamite (Sam said last night, "Mom, I called you a delicious bass." I said, "Caught son. In the movie he says "caught". He grinned and said, "I know, but I just called you a delicious bass. BWAH HAHAHAHAA!")
2. Sixteen Candles (Wha's happ'nin' hoht stuff?)
3. Penny Serenade (Guaranteed tear duct cleansing)
4. Save the Last Dance (Just a good movie, dadgummit)
5. Annie (Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness! I saw Annie for the first time in the Coleman Theatre, I, too was mesmerized when they played it on TV once a year, Courtney. Ab got the DVD for her birthday so now we have access to Annie 24/7!)

What are your 3 top favorite movies from the 80's?
1. Sixteen Candles
2. Pretty in Pink
3. The Breakfast Club (I SO wanted to be a member of the Brat Pack! Molly Ringwald was my IDOL!)
4. I can't leave out Dirty Dancing! I watched it 13 times the first month it came out. Yeah, pitiful I know.

What's the first movie you bought?
Aladdin. When Paul and I were first married I watched it over and over and over. The two of us watched it nearly every day. He could quote it as much as I could. He refuses to watch it with the kids anymore, lol.

What's the first DVD you bought?
Finding Nemo


The Diva has spoken at 9:41 AM CST
The Oreo Story - per Magnet Lady's request
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: Complete utter nonsense
Okay, so this morning on her blog, Magnet Lady - aka, my friend Christy - asked that I share the Oreo Story.

Disclaimer: If you choose to go forward and read this incredibly disgusting story, Redneck Diva Corp. Inc. Manuf. LLC, will not be held responsible for any subsquent gagging, wretching or groans of displeasure that emit from you.

This rather large woman was going to have surgery. Okay, "rather large" doesn't properly describe her - she was morbidly obese. What she was having surgery for, I have no clue, because as all good urban legends go you can't have all the information, lol. They get her on the table, put her under anesthetic and begin prepping her for the surgery. They drape her and begin cleaning her stomach with Betadyne. Well, being the large woman she was, she had quite a few folds, bends and flat-out crevices, canyons, etc. They had to lift the aforementioned folds and clean under, in and around them. While spilunking one particular fat-roll they found a rather large abcess. It was pointed out to the doctor and he said that they should lance it. So they do. And what they find as the cause of her abcess is

and Oreo cookie.

There ya go, Magnet Lady. If I get hate-mail from this I am going to make YOU give ME a pedicure at your spa party! :)


The Diva has spoken at 9:12 AM CST
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Two-stepping off into the sunset...
Mood:  sad
Topic: Things in life that suck
This evening a long-time friend of mine passed away. "Red" was the owner of the only decent country-music-playin' establishment in our town and I'd known Red since I was in Kindergarten. He was 62.

When I was in grade school, virtually my entire early grade school years, I had a "boyfriend" named Brian. Brian Highfill. I would sigh and giggle at the mention of his name. He was dreamy, that Brian. In second grade they had a Marriage Booth at the school carnival and I married Brian roughly 45 times that night. I remember walking up to Red and exclaiming that I had married his son, while I showed off my many cheap "gold" rings. I remember Red's weathered face, which was always smiling, and how he laughed at the thought of having an 8 year old daughter in law.

Red had worked for the telephone company in Wyandotte for as long as I could remember and was known all over town for his telecommunication magic. He retired last year. He could have your phone line up and running in no time and if you had problems you would call Red.

When I was 19 I moved to Stillwater and moved back home all in a month's time. A few months later I was engaged - then a few months after that I wasn't. It was a rough time for me. Rough time for my mom, too. She was newly divorced and lonely. We were two depressing ladies, lemme tell ya. Well, while I was in Stillwater she had started taking country and western dance lessons in Wyandotte at AJ's Dance Hall, which was run by Red. She was enjoying herself and I figured I didn't have anything else to do on Tuesday nights, so I went along.

Ah Red... my gosh but that man could dance. He took a very clumsy 19 year old heartbroken girl and turned her into a 2-steppin' fool on that dance floor. When I danced with Red I was good at something. He taught me to 2-step, swing, waltz and even line dance. He never chided me for not catching on to something, he was endlessly patient and could always make me laugh. I never had a partner, but always knew that at some point I'd dance with Red for a few songs anyway, I felt like a country and western princess. He was proud of my ability and wanted me to start competition dancing. But alas, no partner.

One night I walked in the door from work and heard the phone ringing. It was Red. "Hey, sis! ... You comin' to class tonight? ... Good good! ... I got you a partner...yep, a partner! ... Paul ... Paul Hoover ... yes you do too know a Paul Hoover! ... Hell, girl he's here every week! ... Wait ... Boog! ... Yeah! ... They're the same guy! Boog is Paul!" I wasn't sure about this Boog guy, but Red assured me that he was aces and that was all I needed. Good enough for Red, good enough for me.

Well, little did Red know that he was playing matchmaker that night. And exactly three months later I became Mrs. Boog. I mean, Hoover. We spent the night before our wedding with Red and our dance crowd at the dance hall and when it was time to head home he hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek and wished us both luck.

When I was pregnant with our first baby I worked as a cocktail waitress at his club. While I was working there we lost our baby. The emotion that poured from that man when someone he loved as much as I know he loved me was hurting was unfathomable. He was a kind man, but didn't like to let too many people know it. I worked off and on over the years for him and knew that no matter what there was a grey-headed old fart at that club that loved me and my husband.

Red, I love you and I know that wherever you are tonight you're dancin'.

The Diva has spoken at 11:22 PM CST
Tuesday's post-Ladies' Night Post
Mood:  hug me
Topic: Things in life that suck
[ ] I won a HUMONGOUS amount of money at the Big Fancy Casino tonight.

[X] I won a small amount of money at the Big Fancy Casino tonight.

[ ] I won a moderate amount of money at the Big Fancy Casino tonight.

[ ] I didn't win shit at the Big Fancy Casino tonight.

****************************************

Technically, I didn't really win anything, but I left with $5 that I didn't come in with. I just cashed out with some of their money. But I stopped by the convenience store on the way home and bought Mr. Diva a can of Copenhagen, because after all, it's Valentine's Day. Then, because I am so wonderful, I gave the rest of the money to him, too. I also gave him a really cool Eskimo Joe's t-shirt today and he really liked it. Did I get anything? Guess. G'head.

NO

AND it seems that The Store finds me unemployable.

There is a reason I hate Valentine's Day and have since high school.

The Diva has spoken at 12:05 AM CST
Monday, February 14, 2005
Toots vs. Farts
Mood:  silly
Topic: Kids & other noisy things
Just now I was tucking the girls in bed and Abby asked me, "Mom...what's that f-word we're not supposed to say?" (This is a legitimate question because just last week I caught Abby and Sam trading the insult "Fucking idiot" back and forth. Although I can't imagine them actually forgetting the f-word since their daddy drops f-bombs like crazy.) So I said, "Abby, you know we don't say it. Period." (Yeah, Momma just writes it in her blog, silly.) She goes, "Nooooo...not THAT one! The f-word that YaYa says we can't say...oh yeah! FART!" I said, "Ab, you know Daddy and I don't have a problem with you saying fart. As long as you don't say it at school." She kind of giggled and said, "Okay, so what's the word that YaYa uses for farts then?" I offered "toot", she said that wasn't it. I then said, "Windy?" She fell back on her bed laughing her head off and squealed "YES!! Windy!! BWAH HAHAahahhahhahah!!!!" I started giggling, too. She finally composed herself and said, "Man, that is one dorky word." I patted her arm and said, "Your Grammy made YaYa and I say we "had windied" when we were kids. This is why I let you kids say fart. Because "windy" is one dorky word."

"Heck yeah. It IS dorky. Windy....I can't believe she made you SAY that!" she giggled.

The Diva has spoken at 8:24 PM CST
Mr. Diva's gettin' in on the fun!
Mood:  silly
Topic: All in the family
Okay, it's Valentine's Day and we're too broke to buy each other presents, so I have asked Mr. Diva to answer some quiz questions on my blog. Hey, it takes little to entertain me sometimes, people.

So here ya go - I present to you my husband, Mr. Diva!

1. What time did you get up this morning? Before 8 (Diva note: Usually it's 11 on his day off, just so you know.)

2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds. A redneck's gotta have bling bling.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? White Noise

4. What is your favorite TV show? Anything on the Outdoor Channel, Pimp My Ride, American Chopper

5. What did you have for breakfast? Nothin'

6. What is you middle name? Glenn

7. Favorite cuisine? A big hunk of meat and a tater of some kind.

8. Foods you dislike? Spinach, guacamole, saurkraut and weenies

9. Your favorite crisp flavor? Long John Silver's fish is pretty crispy. (Diva note: Sheesh)

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? David Allan Coe - David Allan Coe (Diva note: That CD makes my ears bleed.)

11. What kind of car do you drive? 2004 Dodge Ram

12. Favorite sandwich? A ham and cheese from Nott's Grocery. They make the best sandwiches on the planet.

13. What behavioral characteristics do you despise? People who think their shit don't stink.

14. Favorite item of clothing? I'm a man, I don't have a favorite piece of clothing.

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go? Disney World

16. What color is your bathroom? Uhhh...white?

17. Favorite clothing? Jeans

18. Where would you like to retire to? Right where I'm at. (Diva note: If he means my office, he's wrong.)

19. Best time of the day? When I get off work.

20. What was your most memorable birthday? February 6th. (Diva note:He's SUCH a smartass.)

21. Where were you born? Joplin, MO

22. Favorite sport to watch? Demolition derbies (Diva note: Only when his ultra sexy cool wife is driving.)

23. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? N/A

24. Person you expect to send it back first? N/A

25. What laundry detergent do you use? Tide, I guess. (Diva note: HE doesn't use laundry detergent because HE doesn't do laundry.)

26. Are you a morning person or night person? Morning? No, night? Hell, I don't care just put something down! (Diva note: He said morning and I said "You have to get UP in the morning to be considered a morning person, dear.")

27. What is your shoe size? 9 1/2 or 10

28. Do you have any pets? Jake and Little Dog (Diva note: Obviously the cat and the fucking ducks are mine. Whoohoo.)

29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with friends and family? Nope.

30. What did you want to be when you were little? Why hell I don't know...probably a fireman or something, I dunno. Or a policeman. Or Superman! (Diva note: Do you people SEE what I live with????)

*********************************************

Post quiz conversation:

Mr. Diva: What's this supposed to tell ya?

Diva: Nothing, it's just for fun.

Mr. Diva: What's fun about it?

Diva: Oh hush, you old fart.

Mr. Diva: You mean it's not gonna tell me what kind of personality I have or anything?

Diva: No, dear. I'm just posting it to my blog.

Mr. Diva: Why hell.....That ain't fun.

The Diva has spoken at 11:20 AM CST
Updated: Monday, February 14, 2005 11:29 AM CST
Mannnnnnn
Mood:  irritated
Topic: Things in life that suck
Man, I hate it when you get a big ol' bag of Hershey's Kisses for Valentine's Day from your mother and you can't keep your hands out of them and like three times this morning you've managed to chew up the little piece of paper along with the kiss.

Rephrasing: Man, I LOVE it when I get a big ol' bag of Hershey's Kisses for Valentine's Day from my mother.

I HATE it that I can't keep my hands out of them.

I also hate it when I chew up the little piece of paper.

There.

The Diva has spoken at 10:58 AM CST
I'm a sucker for a quiz
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: About me
I sent this out to some folks in an email, but decided to go ahead and post it to my blog as well, since y'all are just DYIN' to know more about me, I'm sure.

Feel free to play along on your own blog and comment to let us know when you have!

1. What time did you get up this morning?
Agh, 7 this morning. Which has thrown me off already.

2. Diamonds or pearls? Say hello to my rather large and ostentatious friends - diamonds.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? White Noise

4. What is your favorite TV show? Lost and Alias

5. What did you have for breakfast? Coffee

6. What is you middle name? Dawn

7. Favorite cuisine? Cuisine? I'm a redneck and I live in Oklahoma - we do not partake of "cuisine". I do like a good rare steak, though. IF you consider that authentic "cuisine".

8. Foods you dislike? Brussel sprouts, asparagus, cooked spinach

9. Your favorite crisp flavor? Crisp flavor? Who the hell makes up these questions? Is crisp a flavor now and someone forgot to tell me? I like sour cream and onion potato chips if you wanna know what I like to eat that is crispy. Geez.

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Songs about Jane - Maroon5

11. What kind of car do you drive? 1998 Astro Van

12. Favorite sandwich? A Subway ham and turkey on white with American cheese, pickles, black olives, onions and creamy Italian dressing.

13. What behavioral characteristics do you despise? Insolence, puny humans!

14. Favorite item of clothing? My red Eskimo Joe's Christmas sweatshirt. It's big and bulky and warm and I wear it entirely too much, lol.

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go? Prince Edward Island, Canada

16. What color is your bathroom? White, but soon it's going to have white wainscoting, sky blue walls and ceiling with cute little bugs and
butterflies painted all over the place.


17. Favorite clothing? My jamma pants.

18. Where would you retire to? Here. It's home.

19. Best time of the day? Naptime.

20. What was your most memorable birthday? Hmmm... I have several. My 9th is when we were snowed in and Mom gave me a present every hour(Strawberry Shortcakes!!). My 21st I got shit-face drunk at a country bar and puked all the way home. My 32nd wasn't necessarily the "best" birthday, but I spent it with long-lost family regardless, which was pretty memorable.

21. Where were you born? Long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away. Oh okay, Joplin, MO

22. Favorite sport to watch? WWE or Ultimate Fighting

23. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? Courtney or Keith

24. Person you expect to send it back first? Stacey or Mom

25. What laundry detergent do you use? Tide Clean Breeze

26. Are you a morning person or night person? Morning

27. What is your shoe size? 9 1/2 or 10

28. Do you have any pets? Yep, 3 kids and a husband. Oh! You mean like critters....gotcha. Yeah, we've got a 3 1/2 year old Lab/Chow named Jake, a 3 month old Lab/Heeler named Little Dog, a
tortoise-shell grey cat named Maggie, and four ducks which I affectionately call "those fucking ducks".


29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with friends and family? I'm pregnant!

GOTCHA! (I'm really not, Mom. You can breathe again.)

30. What did you want to be when you were little? A mommy

The Diva has spoken at 10:52 AM CST
Updated: Monday, February 14, 2005 11:35 AM CST
Sunday, February 13, 2005
It is finished
Mood:  not sure
Topic: Go Super Mom, Go!
The application is in at The Store. It is supposed to be pulled in the morning. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm excited yet I'm scared to death. 10 years, people. 10 years since I've gotten dressed in something other than sweats and actually have left my house to go to work for any length of time. The thought is staggering. I had a temp job at the college when I was 8 months pregnant with Kady and last year I substitute taught a few times, but it's been since '95 since I've had a real employment to call my very own. Yes, I realize it's only 3 days a week - let me obsess, k?

I called my mom while I was doing the application and said, "Can you think of any jobs I've had??" She laughed and said, "You've been awful busy raising babies. Don't worry about it." She's right - I mean, I think I pretty much already have the job.

AND The (stupid) Store is still declining my FREAKING checks. Rassin' frassin' Store. Thankfully I had the presence of mind to go to the register with a pack of gum and wrote a check for $2. So when it declined it it was only for a pack of gum that I just put right back, rather than $60 worth of groceries. And we really needed those groceries. How can I make my tea in the morning when I'm OUT OF TEA?? I will have to drink coffee until I can get to the bank to get some cash so I can go to The Store to buy more tea. Diva's gotta have her caffeine. When I start working I'll have to have an IV port put in so I can continue with my all day long ingestion of super sweet Southern iced tea.

So it looks like tomorrow I'll have to call The Store to find out exactly why we are still black-balled. I checked our account online today and everything's FINE. WHY OH WHY OH WHY OH WHY?????


We're probably permanently on a list somewhere. When we walk through the doors from now on a red light will go off in the back room with all the security monitors and a Code 86 1/2 will be issued and the authorities will be alerted and the financial institutions we are associated with will be contacted to find out if we are to be deemed worthy of writing a check and we will be video monitored our entire visit to their fine establishment. Yep, 1984 has arrived, folks.

The Diva has spoken at 11:39 PM CST
Today's the day
Mood:  not sure
Topic: Go Super Mom, Go!
Yep...today I am going to WM to officially put in my application for employment. Here's the funny thing - the manager over the automotive department, which I will soon be working in, already has me on the schedule. I'm thinking this is what some people call "a sure thing".

Paul came home the other night after work and every night, without fail I ask him "How was your day?" And every day, without fail his answer is "Sucked." But that particular night after he said "sucked" he said, "Know of anyone who needs a job? We gotta hire a bunch of people and SOON." I said, "Uh HELLO. Your WIFE. I need a job, dipshit!" He said, "Gimme the phone, I'll call m'boss." He called her and asked if she would be hiring for the counter and she asked, "Who do you have for me?" He said, "My wife" and she said, "I want her." Ah, it's good to be loved. Or at least needed.

So several more phone calls and conversations between the manager and us, we got it lined out. I will work Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays and still continue to watch Chandler Monday - Thursday like I do now. Paul's days off are Monday/Tuesday now, but she said she'd try to get him Sunday/Monday off in the near future, as soon as they get fully staffed again. So Heather has already agreed to keep Kady for me on Fridays and get the kids from school. Saturdays Paul works 7-3 and I work 3-9. I'll take the kids to town with me and pass them off to their father when my shift starts. Sundays Paul is scheduled 8-4 and I'm scheduled 4-9. Again, we shuffle children between the two of us, between shifts. I talked to Mom last night and she said that there would be times she could pick up some slack, too. I think it's going to work out, it may just take some getting used to.

The kids aren't all that excited about their momma working. In fact, they're all pretty much against it. Abby's having the most trouble comprehending it, bless her heart. But I think Kady's going to have the most trouble adjusting. Frankly, I'm having a hard time comprehending and adjusting to it as well.

Plus, now I'm faced with another quandry - I guess I have to quit right now talking about my job because of that whole dooce thing. Damn. Unless of course, I come up with silly names for the place I'm employed and my co-workers. But then I'll have to go back through here and rewrite everything I've ever written about Wal-Mart - I mean, the Mega Store That Monopolizes and Puts Small Businesses Under. Hmm... too harsh, me thinks. Uhh...how about The Store. And the department we work in is the Shoelace Department. How's that sound? Think we can all keep that straight?

Holy fucking shit, I'm going to get a job.

The Diva has spoken at 10:42 AM CST

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