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The Ramblings of a Redneck Diva
Thursday, February 24, 2005
The banging of the head will now officially stop
Mood:  surprised
Topic: It's a good thing
Awhile back I said,

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT, we are $672 in the hole every month!!!"

Remember that?

Well, we aren't after all!!

There is much jubilation going on here at Diva Central this morning. I haven't even told Mr. Diva yet, but I'm sure he'll be happy, to say the least. I have called my sister and bless her heart, I'm glad she's well again. I've missed her. She's happy for me, too, btw.

Okay, so here's what I did. It's really embarrassing, but I'm going to declare it here on my blog regardless. This financial management/debt reduction course we are taking ( has a workbook that you figure out your income, debt, expenses, etc. It's considerably eye-opening to say the least. Okay, so the worksheet where you figure your income, well...on Paul's income I took the total of one paycheck and instead of multiplying it by 2, I divided. Yeah. Pretty stupid, eh? So it had us living on less than $300 a paycheck, less than $600 a month. And what's worse is:


Aye carumba.

I have wallowed in misery and self-pity for 20 days, nearly 3 weeks, honestly considering declaring bankruptcy just to make it all go away. I did not see a way out. Neither did Paul. But I was bound and determined to do my best, so this morning I sat down here at my computer and wrote up the pro rata letters you send to your creditors that basically says, "I realize I owe you a shitload of money, but we've fallen on hard times, we have three children and I can't find a job because even Wal-Mart won't hire me." Then you ask them for a moratorium on your payments for 30, 60, 90, or 120 days and ask them to drop your interest during this time, if possible, then ask them nicely at the end to have patience with you and sign it sincerely. I did this to our two largest creditors. I felt like I had accomplished much and with a warm glow in my heart, I decided to type up a new cash flow plan of my own, leaving out the things that we simply cannot pay out at this time, even though Dave Ramsey says we should. Things like car repair, savings, and fun things like eating out. It made it less overwhelming to see a spreadsheet with only the things we pay out, not a bunch of blanks staring me down. That done, I went on to find out the payoff on our personal loan, total the amounts of all the credit cards and then figure up about what we'll get when we sell the truck and boat, plus our income tax refund. It left a mere $995 for us to handle on our own. So THEN, that all being done, I made out another sheet with both of our incomes totalled up. Woah. That sheet said we brought in more than the last one did, the one I figured up in the workbook. I refigured. I refigured again. I rubbed my eyes, prayed that I wasn't screwing up something, refigured and came to the conclusion that we actually have $256.50 a month EXTRA.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT, we have $256.50 a month EXTRA!!!

So now, I am going to be able to figure up new monthly payments to the credit cards, albeit smaller than they would like to see, I'm sure. But they are payments nonetheless. We are not in the hole, people. I cried. Literally cried. I sat there on the phone with my sister, bawling into her ear. Got the phone all wet, too.

After I quit crying, I said, "Ya know, God's pretty smart." There was silence on the other end of the line and finally Sis said, "Uh....duh." I said, "No really! I mean, here I've been all desperate and panicky, trying to find a job and no one would hire me and my self esteem was injured and I was wondering just why in the world no one wanted me. God had His hand in the middle of it all! He wasn't allowing me to find a job because I don't NEED a job!" And Sis' reply was, "Nope. You just need to take a basic math class." Gosh, I love her. She's pretty wise for a little sister.

Oh, and I just looked outside...

the sun is shining.

The Diva has spoken at 11:37 AM CST
Updated: Thursday, February 24, 2005 11:44 AM CST
Saturday, February 12, 2005
Let the tinkling begin
Mood:  on fire
Topic: It's a good thing
After Sis gained posession of the tickets, she stood at the box office visiting with the girl awhile. Heather mentioned how excited we are about the concert and how we would die if we actually met the man. The girl, very nonchalanatly (how COULD she be nonchalant about TRACE ADKINS!?!) said "Oh, Trace has been walking around out here all morning. He's wearing a nice buckskin jacket, has his hair pulled back in a ponytail (That ponytail - oh how I dream of that ponytail). Yeah, he's been out here in the casino off and on all morning. It's been awhile, he should be back out here in a bit." Heather said, "I...I gotta go!" And got in her car and drove to the bank to withdraw cash so she can go back to the casino to gamble in the off chance she might have the opportunity to MEET TRACE ADKINS. Oh my gosh. She is there right now gambling.

I asked her if she's tinkled yet. She said, "Oh sister, I will if I see him!"

I said, "You DO have paper for him to autograph, right?" She said, "Uhhhh....I have the thingy from Uncle Homer's funeral. Do you think he'd mind signing that?" I said, "You go RIGHT NOW and get some paper from the nice girl in the box office! And when you get his autograph you make sure to tell him your sister is a slut and will be here tonight."

The Diva has spoken at 1:18 PM CST
Menage' huh?
Mood:  on fire
Topic: It's a good thing
I just had a harried 3-way phone tag conversation with my sister and Courtney regarding picking up our tickets for the Trace Adkins concert which is TONIGHT. Courtney, bless her precious heart, picked up the tickets for us the night they went on sale, scoring us 4th row center tickets. We've since paid her back for them and she left them at the box office for us. Well, since that whole scenario was settled upon, we have now discovered that we will, in all likelihood, be running late tonight. So since Sis is in town she thought she'd pick them up now so we won't have to wait in line and risk missing one milisecond of Trace's rugged handsomeness. They wouldn't let her have them. So she called me and asked me to call Courtney while she tried to figure out the mess. Anyway, it's all fixed now and my sister has in her posession our 4th row tickets!!!!

Phone conversation that took place before the ticket confusion:
Phone rings
Diva: Hello dear sister!
Sis: I am at the Buffalo right now and there are tour busses and truck here as. I. speak.
Diva: (Unintelligible screams, screeches and squeals)
Sis: Yeah, me too
Diva: So can you see anything?
Sis: No...but they are moving HIS equipment in right. now.
Diva: (slightly swooning) I can't believe he's quite possibly there at this moment.
Sis: Me either. I could just tinkle.

The Diva has spoken at 12:36 PM CST
Friday, January 28, 2005
It's about freaking time
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: It's a good thing
We got snow. A whole inch. I'm not complaining. But I'm not quite sure exactly how to explain to the children that if we take all the snow in the front and back yards it wouldn't be enough to make much more than a Verne Troyer-sized snow man.

This was the view out my front door around 5 this evening:

The Diva has spoken at 9:52 PM CST
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Monday was a good day, I just forgot to tell you the good parts
Mood:  happy
Topic: It's a good thing
Okay, in the midst of all the whining about Ladies' Night and how I'm an unlucky loser, I forgot to tell you the two awesome things that happened on Monday!

First, I got a puppy! 4 years ago, Paul got the kids a puppy from a guy sitting out in front of Wal-Mart. This is pretty common around here. Those of you who live not in Smalltown, Oklahoma, might find this weird, then again you may not. But around here if your dog has a litter of pups and you don't feel up to feeding all 12 of 'em, you take the pups to Wal-Mart, sit their cute little puppy butts in a shopping cart and stand at the front doors all day long, hoping to find a few families full of kids whose parents are just a little too easy. When Paul got Jake, he didn't consult me first, just brought home a pup. Of course, the kids and I were ecstatic and we love our Jakey so much.

So when I saw a guy sitting in the back of his pickup the other day, with a colorful, hand-colored banner down the side of the bed that said "FREE PUPPIES" I was intrigued. From where we parked, all I could see were wiggling masses of fur, but they looked like cute wiggling masses of fur. I asked Paul if maybe, possibly, we could get a new puppy? He was downright rude when he said NO. I whined all through the store, putting on a shameless show of juvenile temper and basically just pissing my husband off. I even had our youngest child saying, "Daddy, you mean!" I will use every resource I have at my disposal to get what I want, know this. So when we left the store, I looked up at him, pouty look and everything, and said, "Well, you big meanie, can I at least go look at them?" He sighed and said, "Fine. If you'll shut up, go look at them, but you're not bringing one home." Honestly, I half-skipped over to that truck! Inside the bed were 4 black, wiggly, whiny, squirmy little masses of puppy-ness just peeing all over the place! I was hooked. I asked all sorts of questions, how old (9 adorable weeks), what kind (Lab and Heeler, which translates into Mutt and Mutt when you get down to it) and then had to walk away, tears threatening to spill... Head down, I dragged myself back to our truck and all but begged my husband for a puppy. It really was quite shameless. He was standing firm, refusing, not giving in.

Until Kady started crying.


Without ever looking at me he said, "I will drive around the building. You may pick out a male. You try to sneak a female in here and I will toss you and the dog out."

So here is the latest addition to the Diva Family - Little Dog.

He whines and howls a lot. This is starting to wear on the husband. I've tried reasoning with Little Dog, but he is only 9 weeks old... I just pray he learns quickly.

Now, the second awesome thing that happened on Monday - I bought this:

If you haven't seen this movie - oh you just MUST! I laughed myself into a coughing fit the first time I watched it. It gets worse each subsequent time I watch it. I will end up on oxygen if I don't learn to pace myself.

I actually wanted to name the dog Napoleon, but Paul said that when people call their dogs it should be names like Molly, Bo, Rosco, Flash, etc. He said he'd be damned if he'd yell for Jake and Napoleon. He's very closed-minded if you ask me.

The Diva has spoken at 10:08 AM CST
Updated: Thursday, January 27, 2005 10:13 AM CST
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Well, I owe it all to God
Mood:  hungry
Topic: It's a good thing
Okay, when I got off the computer last night I was feeling pretty sick. I went to bed after taking two Maalox and some Tylenol. I slept about an hour and then woke up when my sick husband crawled into bed. I was so nauseous and him moving around in the bed was making me sea sick! I asked him to go to the couch since we were both sick and we (he)were going to keep each other (namely me) up (with his coughing), but he said he was cold and needed to snuggle up to me. He was running a fever. How sweet of him to want to share his germs with me by snuggling. I told him to snuggle, but do it quietly and without much moving or else I'd barf on him. I got up twice during the next hour, thinking I was going to be sick, but nothing happened. I woke up around 2:30 this morning with the worst case of heartburn I've had since I was pregnant with Ab. After more Maalox I went back to bed and woke up almost fine this morning. I guess the fact that I ate two bowls of rice at 8:30 last night on a completely empty stomach just did not settle well. I have taken it kind of easy today, eating yogurt and crackers, sipping Coke. Things still feel precarious in the digestive department, but I still feel pretty okay.

Okay, so here's the "owe it all to God" thing. I laid back there in my bed last night curled up in a ball, chilling and praying. I already have one child sick with sinus crap (again), one child in the midst of an asthma flare-up and a husband who, if I were a betting woman, is on the verge of pneumonia. I just don't have time to get sick myself. So I prayed. Prayed hard. I don't normally buy into the making deals with God thing, but last night I was desperate. I prayed that He'd take away any germs that were contemplating making me ill and keep me healthy enough to take care of my family.

I think what cinched the deal was when I sincerely told God that if He'd keep me well I'd blog about Him and give Him full credit for any healing that might take place.

So here's to you, God - thank you so much.

The Diva has spoken at 4:26 PM CST
Monday, January 3, 2005
Ladies' Night
Mood:  vegas lucky
Topic: It's a good thing
I won some money at the casinos on New Year's Eve!

We have several casinos around here. One is the BEST casino, Quapaw Casino. (My children spontaneously break into the commercial jingle upon hearing the word "Quapaw" now) Then we have the Kinda Big, Not So Fancy Casino - the Stables. Now we have the Big Fancy Casino - Buffalo Run. They have Ladies' Night on Mondays, if you haven't heard me speak of it, which if you read my blog, you have heard me speak of it. We also have the Tiny Little Hole in the Wall Casino - the Miami Casino. This little closet of a casino is home to the Popcorn Nazi. She's not a nice person. We also have a Travel Plaza Casino, but it's not actually in town. Get your gas, win some money. Further out of town, actually in Missouri, is the GINORMOUS New Casino - Bordertown. And down close to the lake is The Casino I Have Only Been to Once - Grand Lake Casino. Ooh and I almost forgot about The Lucky Turtle. I call this the Multi-purpose Casino of the Universe. On-site there is a casino, cafe, gas station, truck/car wash, and convenience store. And if you like and it's the right time of year, you can walk a few paces to the west and you're at the Wyandotte Pow-wow grounds. Now that's gambling!

Anyway, I won some money at Quapaw Casino (47 whole dollars!!!!!) first, then won some more at The Stables, except I have no idea really how much I won because I kept playing it down, then playing it back up again. It kept me occupied for several hours. I am not complaining. I am quite the Blackjack Princess, if I must say. Not quite ready for the big-time tables soon to be coming to Quapaw Casino, but that electronic, $2 a bet stuff is rockin' AWESOME!

AND tonight is Ladies' Night at the Big Fancy Casino!

Can anyone say "Diva needs an intervention"?

The Diva has spoken at 10:55 AM CST
Saturday, December 25, 2004
Merry Christmas!
Mood:  lucky
Now Playing: The Outdoor Channel on the living room TV
Topic: It's a good thing
Ahhh, Christmas. It's a good thing.

We went to Mom's around 4 this evening, after spending a relatively relaxing day here at home. I made a huge breakfast early, we all wrapped presents, I babysat the washing machine through two loads of laundry before I decided that we'd just make do with the clothes we had. Mom called and said if we were late, it wasn't a big deal. Thankfully she said that because my sister is perpetually late. Today she actually COULD be late and not get reamed for it. We were actually running on time, so we stalled a little, Paul stopped and got some Copenhagen and we took a leisurely drive to town. We converged upon Grammy with the Circle Head's house first and I helped her straighten up a little, then the kids and I divided presents and just generally wreaked havoc in her quiet house. Then Sis and her family arrived, thus wreaking more havoc. Gotta love having 5 grandkids in the family. After Mom got most of the dinner fixed to a point, she ever so politely threw us grownups out of the house so that the kids could wrap some presents for us. Now this is how silly my mother is: She sent her two starving daughters out without her supervision with a custard pie in hand. Do you know how hard it was to not devour that thing? Do you know how we joked about licking it, laughing at the silliness, but deep down inside we both knew we would've had the other one dared? Do you know how difficult it was to actually leave it at the people's house that we delivered it to? We resisted, though, even if it was one of the hardest things we'd ever done methinks. We also made a quick run to WalMart, or as Courtney calls it, Hell on Earth, where the almighty and graceful Diva inadvertently stepped on the enormous, but oh so fashionable, flares on her jeans and nearly fell to her demise upon exiting the truck. It was funny, in a scary way. I'd have really hurt myself if I'd actually fallen and all Heather would've been able to do is laugh, I guarantee it. She's mean like that.

When we got back from our errands, Mom was finishing up dinner and we insisted that we eat immediately, rather than open presents first as we had planned. Oh. My. Gosh. Dinner was spectacular. Mom made smothered steak, her famous mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, corn, and croissants. I committed a huge sin by being an unashamed glutton, lemme tell ya. So did everyone else, though, so it wasn't quite so embarrassing to eat like there was no tomorrow.

By this point the children could stand it no more and we had to open presents or have them all put to sleep by the veterinarian. We opted for presents, simply because we have a lot of money invested in those kids and they are kinda cute.

My children got more presents than should be allowed by law.

I got new sheets, some extra pieces to my dishes, the entire Mitford series books, an electric knife, some ultra cool jamma pants, Stand By Me on DVD, a paper shredder, a really pretty white gold bracelet, about 8 new GNOMES (!!!!!!!) and I'm sure there are more things that I just am flat forgetting at this point.

Mom literally sobbed when she opened the scrapbook Sis and I made for her. It was a year in the making and there are blood, sweat and tears in that thing, but she loved it so much, it was worth it. It's called Gram's ABC's. Each page is a letter of the alphabet and something to do with the kids. A is for Abby and Addison, B is for Birthdays (with pics from each child's first birthday), C is for Christmas, and so on. W was Writing to Grammy and each kid wrote her a letter. She had nearly quit crying until she got to W, then she cried harder and so did we.

Now it's a mere 4 minutes to Christmas and Santa's got some work to do. Fortunately Santa doesn't wrap presents around here, he just displays them on the sofa and all around the living room. Makes things a lot simpler, I'm here to tell ya. Of course, I haven't wrapped the presents from Paul and I, I haven't wrapped the presents from me to Paul and we have a GINORMOUS Matchbox Rocket Park conglomeration to assemble and put stickers on still yet. But Paul's watching Outdoor Television (I relented today and let him subscribe. Heck for $1.99 a month, I couldn't say no and it made him really happy) and you know how it is when you start blogging...

To all my newfound blogging friends:
Happy Holidays and best wishes! I have come to love you all so much and you are a part of my life now, an integral part for a lonely housewife, on some days. Your lives entertain, amuse and sometimes evoke tears of joy and sadness and I feel so blessed to know each and every one of you on some level or another. Some of you are known simply as a screen name, some are family, some are the dearest of friends and some of you are just plain weird, lol, but we're all part of a family. One great big bloggy family. Talk about dysfunction...

Merry Christmas!

The Diva has spoken at 12:05 AM CST
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
"Yes, it's THAT kind of party!"
Mood:  party time!
Topic: It's a good thing
Okay, so finally Super Mom has returned to the Mom-cave for some much-needed bloggin' time. Wow, but I'm a busy girl! After next Monday I have nothing on the calendar and I sincerely hope it stays that way till Christmas Eve. Oh please let it stay that way...

Now, the rundown of the events of the Hoover Bash, the best I can remember them, and not necessarily in chronological order or any logical order at all, for that matter.

Since darlingest sister had helped with the house on Friday there wasn't a whole lot to do on Saturday, thankfully. Paul mopped (Yes, friend Monkey- he mopped!) and even helped me cut the cheese (Yes, BabsI said "cut the cheese" AGAIN *giggle*)for the meat and cheese tray and then managed to keep himself busy playing PS2 all freaking afternoon. But I'm not bitter. At least he wasn't out hunting or cutting wood or somewhere off where I couldn't holler if I needed him, which he has been known to do. The kids took a nap in the afternoon while I frantically typed up the mad-lib for the party, which I thought I had saved from previous years, but obviously had not. That out of the way, I cleaned the bathroom and then showered. Then it was time to shower the kids, get them pj'd and ready to go to Grammy with the Circle Head's house for the night. Paul hauled them all to town and I had roughly 45 minutes of utter silence. It was a good 45 minutes. I even sat down and checked my email, lol.

It started at 6. Six, you say? But Diva, we thought the party started at 7. Nope, not when the life of the party, Miss Little C herself comes traipsin' through the door at promptly 6:00. Hey, it didn't bother me in the least - I honestly thought she was just being a good cousin and coming early to help. Had she not embarrassingly said, "It starts at 7 doesn't it?" after she'd been here a bit, I'd have thought that all evening. But man, was she a great help! I was rushing around playing Super Host and trying to get the meatballs going and she finished cutting up the papers we needed for the Newlywed Game. It really was a great help. Her paper-cutting skills are really developing there in Kindergarten, lol.

All but 3 couples that were invited showed up. Hilarious and slightly insane Cousin Keith and his adorable wife, Alyssa, didn't get to come because it was his company Christmas party, but Chad and Courtney more than made up for the lack of cousins. We started out eating and OH the food! BBQ meatballs, 7-layer dip, cheeseballs, some fabulous dip that Tiff brought, cheeseburger soup, pinwheels, and then the desserts! It was a party-food paradise. After eating we decided there was far too little alcohol on the premises - even though Sis and Bub brought in roughly $91.12 worth of liquor (I just went into my dining room and added it up, lol) - so Tiff and Courtney went on a beer run. We visited and patiently awaited their return. And drank the liquor that was on the premises.

When they arrived with much Schmirnoff for me, and some beer and more somethings alcoholic, we started the ornament exchange. We played Dirty Santa with them and at first no one was going to steal. Man, what a nice, polite group of friends I have! Finally, it was my turn and by golly I stole! Then I got stolen from. THEN the light of heaven came down and shone upon the gingerbread man and God said "Take the gingerbread man and make him yours". Who am I to argue with God-light from heaven? I stole the gingerbread man. By me stealing him it retired him from the game and I immediately took him to my kitchen tree, his new home. Except


Husband knows where the gingerbread man is. So does my brother in law. God's gonna deal with you two as well.

Anyway, back to the party... After the stealing of ornaments, we played the Newlywed Game. 10 questions for each gender is too many, just for the record. I thought that game was never going to end. Bob Eubanks would've shot himself, I'm sure of it. There was much laughing, much blushing, and much threatening of divorce.

Then came time for the traditional HOOVER CHRISTMAS BASH MAD-LIB. Some knew what the story was going to be, but most didn't. All they did was go around the room giving me random words and phrases, then I plugged them in to Twas the Night Before Christmas. Oh my gosh, who knew Jessica Simpson had 8 hairy zebras, two of which were named Leroy and Fluffy Peters. I have every intention of posting the entire story as I read it that night. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

The more liquor we partook of, the more requests there were for karaoke. Courtney is the karaoke queen ya know. And she "will survive". I have the pictures to prove it and they will be posted tomorrow.

Jason called me to the center of the room and proceded to do his "Carlos" impersonation. Something about a magic trick, he was going to make his weiner disappear, then reappear, then disappear again, if I'd just bend over that chair... I did not bend over that chair.

We played a few rounds of "Party Quirks" from Whose Line is it Anyway? Goodness, but if you ever want to laugh till you stop and do it till tears come, ask my cousin Chad (who stole my gingerbread man, btw) to impersonate "Spiderman who keeps losing and regaining his Spidey powers". You can also ask him to pretend to be "Santa on crack". Chandler's mom, Jill, crawled into my living room as a paranoid reindeer, my brother in law was a drunk Easter Bunny hitting on all the women, Courtney cowered behind a folding chair thinking that I, her most gracious and kind host, was going to kill her, but I have to agree with Tiff, the clincher of the night was when John impersonated John Wayne trying on a Speedo. Of course, I couldn't concentrate too much on John because at that point Chad's magically appearing and disappearing spider webs had drawn him to my left leg where he was humping it like there was no tomorrow. It was kinda distracting, if you wanna know the truth. But hilarious, all of it.

Things wound down around 1:30 and by 2:00 I had discovered the disappearance of the gingerbread man. Annoying bugger, that Chad.

Tomorrow I will finish the photo album of the party pics (Christy, have you sent those pics yet? I still haven't gotten them!) and will post the link. And that mad-lib. Definitely the mad-lib.

The Diva has spoken at 11:12 PM CST
Friday, December 10, 2004
Tapioca pudding
Mood:  rushed
Topic: It's a good thing
The countdown has begun to the Hoover Bash. 20 hours to commencement. Yikes.

I love hosting parties, but I'm absolutely exhausted tonight. Having a hard time getting into the spirit of things right now. Thanks to my dearest, darlingest sister, though, my house is virtually clean! She sold out of every item in Santa's Workshop before noon today, shut it down and spent the rest of the day here, cleaning my filthy house with me. The woman dusts ceiling fans! Actually, "dusts" is the wrong term - she cleans, disinfects, deodorizes and God knows what else to those things! I am content to run a broom or feather duster over the blades to knock off the visible dust hanging from the edges, threatening to fall on an innocent bystander. Not my sister - she had me run a sink full of hot soapy water and then I suddenly became her Paper Towel Bitch, running back and forth while she cleaned my ceiling fans. Not complaining, just marvelling.

All I have to do tomorrow is clean the bathroom and do my baking/cooking. Paul is going to mop the kitchen and dining room, although he doesn't know it yet. He's in the living room, snoring rather loudly, possibly dreaming of submissive deer who walk towards you with bullseyes on their sides or perhaps about obsessively cleaning his stupid truck. I dunno about his dreams, but I do know that he agreed to help me out tomorrow and I AM holding him to it and he WILL mop that floor. How do I know this? I am a woman, that's how. Here's how I see it: We have no kids tomorrow night. They are spending the whole night with their Grammy With the Circle Head. He is going to want sex after our guests leave (certainly not while they are here, for those of you who will be here - don't freak out). If he does not mop the floor there will be no sex, even in the quiet, childless house. I have spoken. Shalom.

My gosh, but I love tapioca pudding. Sitting at the computer in your pj's, listening to Christmas music on the radio and eating tapioca pudding is pretty durn wonderful in my book.

The Diva has spoken at 10:46 PM CST
Wednesday, December 8, 2004
The magic of Christmas
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: It's a good thing

Sunday when she, Sis and I got together here to watch The Five People You Meet in Heaven, we saw a commercial for The Polar Express Santa at Hallmark. For only $9.95 and the purchase of 3 Hallmark cards you, too, can own this exemplary specimen of Santa-dom. My mother is a card fanatic. I, however, am not. So I told her that if she needed to buy any cards I'd give her the $10 to pick me up a Santa. No big. I figured if she went up that way she'd let me know.

Tonight she called at 8 and asked if she could come out for a bit. After making sure things were okay (because it is a 20 minute drive out here after all) I awaited her arrival, wondering what in the world would prompt her to drive out here at 8:30 at night. Well, my enchiladas for one thing. I make some damn good beef enchiladas, ask Tiff. So when she got here I heated her up an enchilada and fixed her a glass of tea. She then asked if she could talk to Paul and I both for a little while and could he please turn down the TV. I thought "Oh holy night, what on earth is the matter, who's dying?" Instead of giving us bad news she told me to type Paul up a cover letter to have them pull his app at the college. PRAY, my bloggy friends, PRAY. That's all I'm gonna say on that for now.

Okay, so the job application cover letter drama over, we visited a while, she looked at my newly cleaned and rearranged bedroom and then said she was going home. She had brought in a Christmas present she had bought for Sam and wanted to show me and when she bent to, what I thought was, pick up the box she squealed (she's as freaked out by mice as I am - maybe moreso) and said "Oooh! What's that?" Well, in my house there really is no telling. So she bent back over again and then I heard a voice say "Remember, the magic of Christmas lies in your heart." and I squealed "YOU GOT ME THE POLAR EXPRESS SANTA!!!!!!!" and then started to cry.

I swear to you I could not help it. I was like a child on Christmas morning seeing THE present I wanted under the tree. I gave her the biggest hug I've given her in years. Why getting this particular Santa affected me this way I have no clue, but I really do like my Polar Express Santa. He's on my bed right now and there is no way in HELL I am letting my kids play with him. I have given up several of my Santas for the kids, but this one is a strictly "no touchy" Momma toy.

Man, I love Christmas.

The Diva has spoken at 10:16 PM CST

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